How do you feel?

[RainyWoods]

[MENTION=11993]whiteshoes[/MENTION] Ashley has said it all perfectly here. I think sometimes it takes an unfortunate moment like this to reveal the true character of a person. It sucks deeply and it does hurt, but I think you've already realized the important part, that this is none of your fault.

Like both you and Ashley, I've also experienced something similar to this but with an online friend. There were a group of five of us. We all met playing Dead or Alive 4 online together back in the very early Xbox 360 days. Friend A had a falling out with friend B. That's the short story. Friend A refused to speak to friend B. After a while I spent a bunch of my time talking to friend A who had distanced himself from us for an online romance and to keep away from friend B. I gave him an ear and spoke to him for hours. Eventually I performed a miracle and I got us all back together. Everything was going fine. It was like the good old days, but then all of a sudden friend A blocked and deleted all of us from everywhere with no warning or reason. I'd known this person for maybe 8 years. I'd send him birthday and Christmas presents. I'd not once fallen out with him but I was deleted from his life just like that. To tell the truth, I wasn't upset or hurt. I was furious that someone thought so little of the friendship I had given them, and ended it in the most disrespectful way possible. I got over it very quickly and now this person is the butt of every bad joke between my lil' rock solid posse of gamer friends.

I agree with Ashley to not do whatever this revenge thing is that you were planning, Flo. You don't want to get into any trouble, furthermore what you had planned sounds very dark. At the risk of sounding like a mother, two wrongs don't make a right. You're better than this person. Don't give her an excuse to think her actions were right. Human beings are mysterious things. Our minds work in different ways. An action that would be totally out of the question for some of us is something another could easily do without a second thought for the damage and pain that it could cause. Not knowing why she did this I guess is the hardest part. In time though you'll be able to move on. Did she go more in depth with you over the whole "cutie" thing? She's your longtime friend though so I find it hard to understand how that could be such a big issue. It's interesting that she was dropped before by friends. Some people work on a "this happened to me so it's ok if I do it to others" basis. If my mind worked in this way though I'd be the devil incarnate. I will never understand people who have experienced pain themselves in the past and so readily then inflict hurt onto innocent people.

Anyway, gosh. Remind me to keep my non existent nudes safely locked away from you. Who knows what could happen to them one day if I snub you at WorldVision or something. I hope you feel better soon. Just remember to stay rational. Put that anger and frustration into something else, be it art, writing, your next gym workout or your WV shows (congrats on winning btw ).

 

[DannyDS]

[MENTION=11993]whiteshoes[/MENTION] I understand how you feel, I really do. It took me a long time to get over this betrayal various times. Just don't do what you are planning to do, as it's not the right way to get rid of your anger and frustrations. Other than what Ashley & RainyWoods said, I can't really add much to it, because they've basically said everything I wanted to write.

I just hope you can find peace soon and move on. This, to me, proves that the friendship wasn't real. You need to have people who deserve you and not the other way around. Wishing you all the best.

 

[RainyWoods]

Great to see you back as well [MENTION=11745]DannyDS[/MENTION] It seems like you had quite the year. The main thing I hope is that your mums health stays steady. I've been worrying about my mum a lot recently with regards to her health. Last week she had a small hand operation so I'm now queen of the house for the next month or so, working it in the kitchen.

Anyway, the rumour is that 2019 is the year of years. My ball told me that it's going to go great for all of us. May all our dreams come true.

 

[DannyDS]

Thanks [MENTION=9441]RainyWoods[/MENTION]

Yeah it's been quite the year! Also went to the United Kingdom in February for You Decide. It was my first trip and it was AMAZING. Can't wait to go back later this year (approximately in September-October).

 

[DutchSuomiFan]

A formerly very good friend of mine suddenly broke without telling me anything. It happened on the 26th of December when she suddenly wrote to me something like "Could you please stop calling me cutie?" (it is a girl and I like to call my female friends sweet names but they know it is just for fun). Before that we had a great friendship despite of living far away from each other. We sent handwritten letters to each other. memes, videos. We talked about life and about university and so on. That break-up is some of the most mysterious and weirdest things that ever happened to me.

On christmas eve she sent me a cute "thank you" message for the gift Ive made for her, two days later she throws our friendship away like an used tissue. I contacted her on whatsapp with written and voice message - she did not ever read/listened to it up to now. However she has been active on WhatsApp as always, posting in group chats, updating status and profile pictures. I contacted her on Facebook and did realize only then that she unfriended me. I also sent her a mail but guess what? Nothing. I even contacted a common friend (well, good friend of her but only a distant friend for me) asking her, what is actually going on. But she ignored that question and only responded to a different issue. Looks like they're in cahoots together.

I am pretty mad tbh, because she is treating me incredibly disrespectfully like hardly anybody else did before. Look, I trusted her like I trusted only a small bunch of people. The worst thing is, that she actually knows about my little mental instability, my low self-esteem and inferiority complex. Ive gave her access to the deepest points of my mind. She also knew that I am adhering to friendships because I didnt have many friendships in the past and I know how it feels to be alone. Nevertheless, she drops me like an used tissue or some broken gadget, totally diregarding my feelings. Can she even image how Ive felt the last few weeks? Fair enough, meanwhile I am getting along apart of that strong desire for vengeance i will tell you about later in this post. Having a few other good friends in real life does definitely helps me. But during the last couple of weeks I cried more than once...

Moreover she once even told me that she was dropped by friends a couple of times. Therefore she must know how it feels. And her former boyfriend struggled with depressions.. she should also know how to treat unstable people sensitively (having said that, I am not depressive and I hopefully will never be). Her behaviour is awful. I am an human being and I am not flawless. So Ive made mistakes, yes. But I am also self-reflective, I notice my mistakes and I apologize. it has always been like that. So even if I messed up something in our friendship there is just one way to solve it: have a talk, discuss the problems and try to fix them - like normal, rational people do. Breaking up dear friendships without telling the reasons is awful.

I put a lot of efforts into this friendship. Weve been in cinema and musicals together, Ive helped her with uni projects, her bachelor thesis, bought and created her lots of presents, created mixtapes for her, played beautiful songs on piano just to her and always tried to make her laugh. Let alone I invited her for ice cream and things like that. I spent much time thinking about how to make her happy.

In my life Ive also been too gentle. I allowed bad people who i thought would be friends to use me, cheat on me and to play with me and I didnt have the guts to defend myself in a proper way. Sometimes I was ashamed of myself and couldnt even look at myself in the mirror. Thats why at some point Ive became very vindictive. People should learn that having me as an enemy is a risk, nobody likes to take. I wanna make clear that I deserve respect like everybody else, since I try to be respectful to other people, too. I think there is that one bad thing I once have to do to gain the respect of other people. Setting a warning example. I wont tell you my plans for her because thats evil but it contains the words "photoshop" and "nudes" and its definitely not legal.

I dont wanna destroy her life cause after all I believe she is a good person, who just made a very bad decision and who knows if she is only badly influenced by somebody else who think of me as a bad person she should not be in contact with. I only wanna scare her a and making her panic for a short moment, before undoing everything what is part of my plan. For her that should be a lesson about respect, friendship and sensibility. She should know I could be the best and most generous friend she can imagine but she should not mess with me cause thats a fight she can not win. The friendship will obviously be destroyed forever after I laid my vengeance upon her but at least I'll have the sweet feeling of satisfaction and I will feel strong for the first time of my life.

Thanks for reading. Sorry if I overshadowed Dannys positive post. We definitely need more positivity in here. Congrats [MENTION=11745]DannyDS[/MENTION] for being satisified and sucessful in your new job. Keep it up!

My God, that is a heartbreaking story. What the hell is wrong with her that she does something like that to you? Sounds really strange and obviously messed up to say the least. I once had an online friend. Then suddenly he blocked me on Instagram and on Twitter as well. Either someone used my account to say weird stuff to him or he made a very strange decision himself. I really haven't got a clue what was going on. I really hope your friend changes her mind and takes you back as her friend again. I'm supporting you even though i don't know you that well. We do know each other from each other's posts though!

 

[ShoeFlo]

Thank you very much, guys, you are great.

You are probably right with everything you wrote. I should just keep calm and dont waste too many thoughts on her.
For me the most important thing is not to maintain this friendship cause this chapter is most likely closed
The most important thing is not to hurt her, either. In fact, the most important thing for me is to make her read what Ive got to tell her. I want her to know exactly what I think about this situation and what I think about her behaviour. She doesnt even have to write to me anymore but I'd like to make sure she receives my words. Just want her to know my opinion. Thats probably why I came up with this silly and evil vengeance plan cause if she finds fake nude pictures of her in the internet (Meanwhile I am actually uncomfortable to even write this down..) I would definitely have her attention and she cant just ignore me anymore. I guess that was the idea of it. But as you said this kind of plan is dangerous, creepy and makes me look like a psychopath tbh. And actually now the people here think of me as a psychopath already

Well maybe when things lived down a bit I might get the possibility to have a talk with her again, but tbh I don’t want her to be my friend anymore. I guess She won’t probably apologize in any case but try to turn it like its all my fault.

I am a good person and I can be incredibly kind to people who mean a lot to me. Some people in real life and also in the forum can confirm that. At the same time, Ive had this bitterness and malice somewhere inside of me for a long time already and I cant really get rid of it. I just have to make sure that the ‘positive me’ is always stronger than the ‘negative me’. I think I explained my situation to you because I subconsciously wanted you to prevent me from my vengeance plan and I think you did very well.
Btw, it is nice to see that you guys made similar experiences. On the one hand it makes me feel better cause I am not alone, but then again it shows that there are so many wrong people in this world. It is very sad.
[MENTION=12078]AshleyWright[/MENTION] you are obviously right we are not friends or something. Indeed, we rarely write to each other. I just hope that you (and nobody in general) takes this “WV rivalry” too serious. Sure, there is sometimes bitching about music tastes and we both are people who speak out openly and don’t hide our opinions. However, we should not overestimate that. I guess we have much more in common as we think we have (I love cats as much as you do, for example ). I just want you to know I respect you and I appreciate your words a lot. I sometimes read in threads like this and even if I am not involved in the discussions I can see you make good advices. Keep it up

 

[DannyDS]

We love you [MENTION=11993]whiteshoes[/MENTION] even though I've been absent for almost two years I've always remembered you

 

[Leydan]

[MENTION=12078]AshleyWright[/MENTION] you are obviously right we are not friends or something. Indeed, we rarely write to each other. I just hope that you (and nobody in general) takes this “WV rivalry” too serious. Sure, there is sometimes bitching about music tastes and we both are people who speak out openly and don’t hide our opinions. However, we should not overestimate that. I guess we have much more in common as we think we have (I love cats as much as you do, for example ). I just want you to know I respect you and I appreciate your words a lot. I sometimes read in threads like this and even if I am not involved in the discussions I can see you make good advices. Keep it up

Nahhh, WV rivalry is just banter. To me anyway, throwing light shade each others way because we know our music taste is so completely different (except for Cali y El Dandee and The Killers). I never take it personally. As a matter of fact, there is no one I really dislike on this forum. I suppose we'd be good friends outside of WV as it seems we have much in common, I'm kinda the same in that I like to think of myself as a incredibly kind and generous to my friends and family and just people in general, but I can become very bitter and say some nasty stuff if people anger me enough. But hey, we're only Human, we can't all be sunshine and happiness. I respect you a great deal also, It takes courage to open up in here, and I can tell you're an all round good guy. Thank you, I'm happy you think I give good advice. I just type what I think and if it helps people then that is even better.

 

[RainyWoods]

I am a good person and I can be incredibly kind to people who mean a lot to me. Some people in real life and also in the forum can confirm that. At the same time, Ive had this bitterness and malice somewhere inside of me for a long time already and I cant really get rid of it. I just have to make sure that the ‘positive me’ is always stronger than the ‘negative me’. I think I explained my situation to you because I subconsciously wanted you to prevent me from my vengeance plan and I think you did very well.
Btw, it is nice to see that you guys made similar experiences. On the one hand it makes me feel better cause I am not alone, but then again it shows that there are so many wrong people in this world. It is very sad.

This part of your post I can relate to so much. I tend to bottle up my anger, and I'm rather good at doing it. Lately though it's getting really hard for me. I'm increasingly seeing red more and I'm starting to harbour such unpleasant thoughts, and just generally am living with this really bad energy about me. It's difficult, especially when those bad energies linger. My experiences through life, and my relationships with other people have shaped me into being this way. For many years I suppressed my negative feelings, but if you're not happy with your own life, I guess eventually comes the point where it becomes increasingly difficult to hold back a big part of how you feel. The bull in me has arrived, he's late and I don't particularly like him. Even in my online activities, I might write eloquently enough, but I think in fuck you's and it's not fun or healthy on my end.

But yeah, anyway... at least we're not alone with our experiences and also how we feel. People make me angry but then I just try to remember that no one is perfect. I'm so far from perfect myself. I've hurt people before, though unintentionally the vast majority of the time. We can only learn from our mistakes and move on, and hope people can understand/forgive us. I always listen and try to forgive people. It's crazy when you think how complex the human mind is. We all have underlying layers that make us who we are, and who we are is often not clear at all to others. At the same time though, sometimes a bad egg is just a bad egg. Nothing you can do but throw it away. You can be nice to the egg up until a certain point when it's molding on your plate.

The only way to get rid of bitterness and malice you might hold in your heart I think is to focus on the good things in your life. The positives. All that is beautiful in this world. Man, sometimes I wish I was a Buddhist monk. I think their way of looking at life could be beneficial to me (we just high key ignore the celibacy part).

 

[DenizESC]

.....

 

[RainyWoods]

It was interesting to read your post [MENTION=13974]DenizESC[/MENTION], and it goes someway here in helping to understand a particular mindset. Sometimes life sucks and you feel you need to get away from people or things, even if they've been good to you. In the past I've had those thoughts as well, and I've even thought about leaving here for instance (very recently in fact). I haven't acted on any of my feelings but I think I can understand at least partly why someone would reach the point where they feel the only option is to block someone or something out.

Deniz, your story is unique and I think you're a very complex person (you could probably write a book on your experiences). I think it was you who said to me before that it was strange how well we got on because in many ways we're very different besides our awfully wonderful (probably unbearable to some) sense of humour. You're a very deep thinker though and I think that's where you and I meet. I've gone deep with people here privately but maybe with you the deepest cause I feel so comfortable with you, and I somehow feel you're equipped to understand me.

Some of the stuff you wrote about your actions in that big post there is not stuff I generally agree with, or how I'd ever hope to do things myself, yet I don't judge you in the slightest bit for it, because I know the Deniz who's been so kind and a friend to me here. We all have our shit moments. Our moments where we need to retreat. Moments where we're just weird and push good things away. With me I've always had problems with keeping friendships going. People have to continuously poke and nudge me, and they don't like that. But I'm introverted and living with depression. The latter these days I'm open about but I think people often forget the former about me, perhaps because I'm goofball-ish and generally pleasant and talkative once I've been engaged. One very close friend of mine brought up this issue with me a couple of years ago, that it was always him that was starting conversations. That's one area I guess where I've been very shortsighted but I've never done it on purpose.

And also Deniz, in fairness to you and everything you've written here, wouldn't you have been incredibly young during some of these events? The circumstances you've been put in are also very unique, to put it mildly. We make mistakes and sometimes we make them multiple times. God, if I went back to when I was 15 or 16, i'd be cringing my ass off. I thought, said and did some profusely regrettable things. I grew though from those moments. It's one life we've got so it's vital to find peace within ourselves and move on. Not to be our own worst enemies. You need to continue moving on from your past troubles Deniz cause I know you're a special person. Don't allow anything to hold you back. And glad to hear at least one of your stories had a happy ending.

This is not to diminish how Flo feels though. I think he needs to get the message through to this girl exactly how she's made him feel, otherwise she might not ever learn. When I got ghosted by my close friend a few years ago I did nothing. I sometimes think what might have happened if I messaged him. I at least should have told him how he made me feel. Had I not had three other solid friends in that time who were all in exactly the same situation as me, I would have felt devastated, but losing one friend like that brought us closer together.

P.S. Flo's terribly sadistic photoshopped nude revenge idea is still giving me life, two days on. Like please for real don't ever do that unless it's WorldVision related nude revenges

 

[DenizESC]

KEEP YOUR NUDES LOCKED AND AWAY FROM SHOEFLO CHILDREN!

 

[DenizESC]

Dear Kai:

*insert another random super long, super deep post*

I'll fill it up soon, for now I need to go like die or something for a minute after that long post

 

[r3gg13]

I've been reading through the most recent posts by [MENTION=11993]whiteshoes[/MENTION] and everyone, and I can definitely relate to what you have gone through. Everyone has covered all the bases, and I must reiterate that you deserve so much better. It is her loss, not yours. Consider it a liberation from a person that doesn't deserve a lick of your time.


I want to give a bit of perspective from the opposite camp. I'll be completely frank, I have dumped friends before when I was a bit younger. In retrospect, it says a lot more about me than about the friends that I dumped. All of it boiled down to my big ego, and I didn't realize until years later when I was having a heart-to-heart conversation with my husband comparing our experiences with friends. Then, it all clicked, I realized that it was me and not them that had issues. Since then, I've been working hard on being more compassionate, less hard-headed and less ego-centric.

 

[ShoeFlo]

[MENTION=13974]DenizESC[/MENTION] thanks for that post, I appreciate your honesty.
Of course I thought about the possibility of her going through a crisis and so on. It just doesnt seem like this. She has been active on WhatsApp as usual, sent a New years Eve greeting in a group chat, posted a status picture and uploaded a new profile picture (double selfie with her boyfriend). Of course thats not proof enough to say she is fine but even if shes having a bad time I wonder: Why she cant even write me a short message to inform me about what is going on? Something like "Hi Flo, dont be mad on me but right now Ive got many problems I gotta sort out and I need some distance and time for myself. I will contact you if I feel better..." Thats literally 30 seconds of her free time she would have to spend to write a message like this. I wouldnt have complained. I would have been fine with that and respected the step she is planning to take. Nothing is bad about taking a break for a while or if necessary for a longer time.
But that non-communication sucks. To leave somebody in the dark and in a state of uncertainty....That is so hard to understand cause we could always talk about everything. Actually, our deepest conversations in my opinion have been the best we had. :?

Well, in the end you summed it up well.. the human mind is an heck of a puzzle. Maybe one day she let me see her puzzle put together.

 

[LovelyMJ]

Newbie here! Feeling pleased because of joining such a bright community

 

[DannyDS]

Newbie here! Feeling pleased because of joining such a bright community

Welcome!!

 

[Leydan]

I feel physically sick, and I cannot settle because i've become a literal wreck and it's not about something bad, it's something good actually. A few weeks ago I said to my mum that I was going to look for a new job in the new year and probably something office based (and actually i've now decided to apply for in an in job promotion, stay in that a few months and then get a new job then as the promotion will look good on my CV). Our conversation about it ended there and we haven't really spoken about it since, anyway this evening my mum got of the phone with my auntie and for a while she kept looking my way and eventually asks If I wanted to know something, but if she said I was not to tell a single person. Ofc I wanted to know because i was intrigued but also a little bit worried, as it was about me. She then tells me that my uncle (who is managing director or something of Honda in my town) is about to offer me a job as a Trainee service receptionist, it isn't 100% certain yet but expect a call. Now on the face of it, it sounds like a great opportunity, get into more office style work, will be better pay and full time, it's in the car industry where I will have so much room to progress and apparently a rather simple job. But the second she told me I felt like i was about to vomit and i was overwhelmed with panic. You need to understand I am not a person who deals with pressure well, I tend to panic and lose focus quickly and this news and that job is a hell of a lot pressure that has just been thrown my way. Even in my current job when I have a customer come at me with a problem, no matter how simple I panic and call for help. My uncle has gone to the trouble of organising all this to help me, and i'm not sure i want it for the pressure. I feel trapped in that I can't say no because of the fact hes done it for me, and i don't want to seem ungrateful but then at the same time I don't want to accept and then be a total disappointment, fail at it and show him up and make him look bad and then also my mum. My brother has done exactly that to him in the past, and I cannot be that person. Not only that, I don't think i want to work with family, I want it to be a separate world for me, that none of my family are part of and also because anything work related my auntie would know, and then my mum. The pressure just from the news alone has me so worked up that i've literally been pacing back and forth for a while, my hands are shaking and i've got the worst headache in months come on. I cannot settle. I literally hate this right now. I want to just curl up in a ball, throw any form of contact away and pretend the world doesn't exist.

 

[RainyWoods]

[MENTION=12078]AshleyWright[/MENTION] I get how you feel there. On paper it's seemingly a good thing that would be beneficial to your goals of progressing, but at the same time it gives you anxieties I guess over multiple things now. It might be hard even to think things through properly when there's the thought in your head right now of "how do I go about turning this offer down if I don't want it, and how will people react?". The fear of disappointing or letting down your family members feels like it's the main thing that's probably eating at you? It sounds to me like you might have a general problem with anxiety, which is such a common thing that most of the population experiences one time or another during life.

I think first and foremost in this situation you've got to focus on yourself and what you want. This is your choice to make, and whatever it is you can explain to your family why you've made it. We carve our own paths. They have to accept it. If on paper this offer sounds very good then at least think about it. But ultimately this is your choice to make and yours alone. I understand not wanting to work with family. It makes sense because it applies this unavoidable pressure onto things. Look how you're feeling now even. If it was a like a lil' job working in a barn or doing something small behind the scenes that your confident in doing then it would probably be less of a problem, but working for Honda sounds more of a biggie. You totally could do this though. I think you and I both have something in common and that is that we both underestimate ourselves and what we're capable of. Every time you've written about what you're like at work it's been good stuff, and people like you a lot. I don't know what this new job would involve but you mentioned that it's not particularly hard. If you gave that doubt and fear in the back of your head a good old punch in the face you'd have this in the bag and would be awesome at it, no doubt. But ultimately this should be about what you want. Your heart will tell you what is the right decision for you. I hope you're feeling better now than the other day when you wrote your post.

 

[Gera11]

Oh jesus, job offers from family, that's a helluva curveball. That panicky feeling is so relatable. I could write more but I have no idea what else because Rainy said it all (dang it you really have a way with words, you should write a book tbh).