How do you feel?

[Ausesken]

Today I have felt weird because I wanted to go to work... Excuse me? What kind of disease is this, that you have some free days and you want to work again? and I didn't enjoy going shopping, nor listening to music, etc. I wanted to go to work, really.

 

[DutchSuomiFan]

I feel happy. There's this colleague of mine that I never thought I'd ever have any kind of contact with. I've always kind of liked her despite the fact that she never wanted any kind of contact with me. On Wednesday, I suddenly decided to wish her a happy new year. And guess what? I received a happy and nice response!It's obviously normal to wish each other a happy new year, but this is still special to me

 

[mauve]

Today I have felt weird because I wanted to go to work... Excuse me? What kind of disease is this, that you have some free days and you want to work again? and I didn't enjoy going shopping, nor listening to music, etc. I wanted to go to work, really.

I shouldn't laugh about it, It even might be infectious or something! My disease lately is rather called "sleepitis". Mostly too tired to do anything sensible.

 

[Ausesken]

I'm sad because I'm definitely taking a friendship as dead. I gave 100% of me (or I think so), I feel I only got back 10%, which is fine because nobody should be forced to give 100% of them if they don't feel the same connection. I'm honestly grateful for the time they have spent on me, because time is the best thing someone can give to you, even if it's not much, and I wish them a life full of happiness along with people who love them as they deserve, because they do deserve the best.

And I wish the same for me, hopefully

 

[DutchSuomiFan]

I'm sad because I'm definitely taking a friendship as dead. I gave 100% of me (or I think so), I feel I only got back 10%, which is fine because nobody should be forced to give 100% of them if they don't feel the same connection. I'm honestly grateful for the time they have spent on me, because time is the best thing someone can give to you, even if it's not much, and I wish them a life full of happiness along with people who love them as they deserve, because they do deserve the best.

And I wish the same for me, hopefully

That is not nice to hear!

For me, 2019 has started the way 2018 ended. My sleeping schedule is once again messed up. It's not nice and it keeps on happening!

 

[mauve]

I'm sad because I'm definitely taking a friendship as dead. I gave 100% of me (or I think so), I feel I only got back 10%, which is fine because nobody should be forced to give 100% of them if they don't feel the same connection. I'm honestly grateful for the time they have spent on me, because time is the best thing someone can give to you, even if it's not much, and I wish them a life full of happiness along with people who love them as they deserve, because they do deserve the best.

And I wish the same for me, hopefully

YOU deserve better and the best! I never ever thought that I would find a great, true friend myself either when I was younger. Then I found a special friend. She is actually quite different personally - likes other music, she loves shopping (I hate it ), she likes other TV series and so on. But despite the differences, we still connected. Still a miracle, but we are true friends, even when we live in differences cities by now. I met her when I didn't search for a friend. What I want to say: a true friend will come around for you as well. Not all people are terrible (even though there are quite a few unfortunately) and there will be someone coming around the Corner when you least expect it.

 

[tuorem]

Two hours ago, a young woman threw herself out of the window from the fifth floor of the building facing mine.

I heard her hit the ground and saw her leave this world as passers-by were trying to save her.

The street is still blocked by the police and ambulance. She didn't survive.

I didn't know her, but I remain shocked as I never imagined I'd witness such a thing. May she rest in peace.

 

[mauve]

Two hours ago, a young woman threw herself out of the window from the fifth floor of the building facing mine.

I heard her hit the ground and saw her leave this world as passers-by were trying to save her.

The street is still blocked by the police and ambulance. She didn't survive.

I didn't know her, but I remain shocked as I never imagined I'd witness such a thing. May she rest in peace.

OMG. I can tell you must be in shock. Suicides are unfortunately far too often. A friend of my brother threw himself in front of a train two years ago --- he didn't die, but lost his two legs and lives in pure depression now. He was such a funny and warm person, never ever believed he would do such a thing. But depression and despair can take you there. I hope you are fine … don't want to think about it experiencing such a tragedy.

 

[tuorem]

OMG. I can tell you must be in shock. Suicides are unfortunately far too often. A friend of my brother threw himself in front of a train two years ago --- he didn't die, but lost his two legs and lives in pure depression now. He was such a funny and warm person, never ever believed he would do such a thing. But depression and despair can take you there. I hope you are fine … don't want to think about it experiencing such a tragedy.

Thank you for your kind words, moving on is actually harder than I thought. Maybe because I also considered such a scenario a few times in my life, it echoed something personal in me in addition to the shock of seeing someone end their lives. This afternoon reminded me that many people out there live treacherously poisonous lives that sadly lead to such extreme decisions.

My thoughts are with the friend of your brother. I can't imagine the dark places he's been to (and maybe goes to now). In all honesty, I wonder if dying is actually a lesser evil in comparison to surviving with major psychological/physical after-effects. I hope he is well supported, it must be tough for him.

 

[Leydan]

omg that must have been awful to witness. It's obviously a massive shock for you, no one wakes up thinking "today i'll witness a suicide". People say committing suicide is a selfish thing to do, because the person doesn't think of the affect it has on those around them, and in some part that is true. However they must have been in such a bad place and felt so completely lost that they decided their only way out was to die - and that alone is an awful thing to even contemplate. I think the initial shock has just hit you but it will pass, I remember when a girl from my year at school died in a car crash, her car drove of the road into a ditch and she wasn't found till the following morning. I didn't get along or speak to her often, but I was assigned to sit next to her in almost every class for 5 years so a lot of my time was spent with her and it was from that it hit hard that she died and in such a horrible way. Death is always a sad thing and shocking when it happens.

In all honesty, I wonder if dying is actually a lesser evil in comparison to surviving with major psychological/physical after-effects.

In a sort of unrelated note, I often think of this in cases related to assisted suicide. Our system forces people to be kept alive at all costs, but when they have no quality of life then why? is it really worth it? if they want to go why keep them here against their will in a living hell for all of their lives when they can't do a thing for themselves. I often see in our news stories of people who want permission to die legally because they have no quality of life because of some injury or illness they've got that's taken them from a life as a super active lawyer with children or whatever and turned them into someone who can't even chew food. Then the courts refuse them, it's always so upsetting to see and hear about and it just makes you think "what if it was me?".

 

[tuorem]

omg that must have been awful to witness. It's obviously a massive shock for you, no one wakes up thinking "today i'll witness a suicide". People say committing suicide is a selfish thing to do, because the person doesn't think of the affect it has on those around them, and in some part that is true. However they must have been in such a bad place and felt so completely lost that they decided their only way out was to die - and that alone is an awful thing to even contemplate. I think the initial shock has just hit you but it will pass, I remember when a girl from my year at school died in a car crash, her car drove of the road into a ditch and she wasn't found till the following morning. I didn't get along or speak to her often, but I was assigned to sit next to her in almost every class for 5 years so a lot of my time was spent with her and it was from that it hit hard that she died and in such a horrible way. Death is always a sad thing and shocking when it happens.



In a sort of unrelated note, I often think of this in cases related to assisted suicide. Our system forces people to be kept alive at all costs, but when they have no quality of life then why? is it really worth it? if they want to go why keep them here against their will in a living hell for all of their lives when they can't do a thing for themselves. I often see in our news stories of people who want permission to die legally because they have no quality of life because of some injury or illness they've got that's taken them from a life as a super active lawyer with children or whatever and turned them into someone who can't even chew food. Then the courts refuse them, it's always so upsetting to see and hear about and it just makes you think "what if it was me?".

Thank you for conforting me and sharing your story, I totally agree with what you said. Suicidal people have crossed the threshold of caring about how their death would affect people around them because they feel they can't handle their own lives any longer, even though there are stories of people writing letters of apology before committing an irredeemable act. It indeed goes beyond mere selfishness since no one primarily lives for others and, rightly or wrongly, they may consider no one can help at this point.

I also share your opinion about euthanasia, it's a very sensible topic and I guess every situation should be reviewed before considering it, but like you said it's almost inhuman to deny certain gravely ill or injured people the right to put an end to their suffering with dignity while they asked for it themselves or their families consented. I totally understand it's not a decision take lightly, but the best interests of the person should be considered. Remaining confined to bed with unbearable pain and no hope of recovery or improvement of your clinical status for the rest of your life can hardly be called a life imo.

 

[mauve]

In a sort of unrelated note, I often think of this in cases related to assisted suicide. Our system forces people to be kept alive at all costs, but when they have no quality of life then why? is it really worth it? if they want to go why keep them here against their will in a living hell for all of their lives when they can't do a thing for themselves. I often see in our news stories of people who want permission to die legally because they have no quality of life because of some injury or illness they've got that's taken them from a life as a super active lawyer with children or whatever and turned them into someone who can't even chew food. Then the courts refuse them, it's always so upsetting to see and hear about and it just makes you think "what if it was me?".

Completely agree on this aspect. If it ends this way that you are no longer a subject, just an object, it should be allowed to say good-bye. I can't believe that we have to discuss such a thing in the 21st century.

But suicide generally is a truly intricate topic. I have never experienced one as close as tuorem did … well, I sort of did when I was about 7 yrs. old. I was on a train when a man jumped before it. Only later I heard why the train stopped and we had to get off. Then two former classmates committed suicides, both because of rejected love which was terrible to hear about. Then when I studied a very wonderful professor I had, took his own life with 40. Later I heard he suffered from depression all his life and I had NEVER seen that in his face. The tragedy about it: his brother had also committed suicide a few years before. And I saw their parents at the funeral - both devasted. Then my brother's friend I told already about. Then one of my favorite musicians Chris Cornell two years ago who said about Kurt Cobain's suicide that Kurt should not have done it because maybe days or weeks later, he would have seen his situation differently … just to say goodbye from this world himself. Having two kids and a wife. Hard to let people go this way, but sometimes we have to accept it.

 

[DutchSuomiFan]

Two hours ago, a young woman threw herself out of the window from the fifth floor of the building facing mine.

I heard her hit the ground and saw her leave this world as passers-by were trying to save her.

The street is still blocked by the police and ambulance. She didn't survive.

I didn't know her, but I remain shocked as I never imagined I'd witness such a thing. May she rest in peace.

That must've been horrible to see and hear! My mom kind of witnessed someone commiting suicide when she was in a train when the person jumped in front of the train. She literally heard the train go over the person. Absolutely horrible

 

[tuorem]

That must've been horrible to see and hear! My mom kind of witnessed someone commiting suicide when she was in a train when the person jumped in front of the train. She literally heard the train go over the person. Absolutely horrible

I hope your mum recovered (or will recover) from this as soon as possible. Sounds and images stick to your mind in such shocking situations, and I guess it must be more difficult to move on when you have to visit the place where it happened on a regular basis (like public transportation).

Personally, the incident is still too recent for me to put it in a corner of my mind right now, but I feel better than yesterday, so it can only improve with time.

 

[DutchSuomiFan]

I hope your mum recovered (or will recover) from this as soon as possible. Sounds and images stick to your mind in such shocking situations, and I guess it must be more difficult to move on when you have to visit the place where it happened on a regular basis (like public transportation).

Personally, the incident is still too recent for me to put it in a corner of my mind right now, but I feel better than yesterday, so it can only improve with time.

Yes, she definitely did recover. This was 2,5 years ago. The creepy thing is though, the train she was waiting for was delayed because someone jumped in front of a train, then the train she was in had a 2nd person jumping in front of a train! Had it been me sitting in that train then I probably still would've been thinking about it everyday even if it's 2,5 years ago. I once attempted suicide by strangling myself. I was in a very bad situation back then. But don't worry, this happened in 2012 and I've recovered from that period very well

 

[tuorem]

Yes, she definitely did recover. This was 2,5 years ago. The creepy thing is though, the train she was waiting for was delayed because someone jumped in front of a train, then the train she was in had a 2nd person jumping in front of a train! Had it been me sitting in that train then I probably still would've been thinking about it everyday even if it's 2,5 years ago. I once attempted suicide by strangling myself. I was in a very bad situation back then. But don't worry, this happened in 2012 and I've recovered from that period very well

It's good to hear both you and your mum have recovered. Life can be - directly or indirectly - tough at times, that isn't easy to handle.

 

[DutchSuomiFan]

It's good to hear both you and your mum have recovered. Life can be - directly or indirectly - tough at times, that isn't easy to handle.

If you have any questions about what happened back then, don't hesitate and just ask me about it

 

[DannyDS]

A lot went down the last time I logged in. Oh God, where to begin?

I dropped out of uni because I hated it and it was honestly the best decision I had ever taken! I just didn't feel good there anymore and it was full of backstabbing snakes. I don't want none of that tbh.

My quest for a full-time job has entered its 5th month and I'm soooooooooo close to getting the one I wanted so fingers crossed!

In other news, my mum was in the hospital for a month and came home about 10 days before the holidays began. Her blood pressure is a mess and she had a minor stroke during the night of the 11th of November. Very scary and upsetting. But it seems to have been fixed. She has to take many pills daily to maintain stability.

2018 was an amazing year and here's to a fantastic 2019

 

[ShoeFlo]

A formerly very good friend of mine suddenly broke without telling me anything. It happened on the 26th of December when she suddenly wrote to me something like "Could you please stop calling me cutie?" (it is a girl and I like to call my female friends sweet names but they know it is just for fun). Before that we had a great friendship despite of living far away from each other. We sent handwritten letters to each other. memes, videos. We talked about life and about university and so on. That break-up is some of the most mysterious and weirdest things that ever happened to me.

On christmas eve she sent me a cute "thank you" message for the gift Ive made for her, two days later she throws our friendship away like an used tissue. I contacted her on whatsapp with written and voice message - she did not ever read/listened to it up to now. However she has been active on WhatsApp as always, posting in group chats, updating status and profile pictures. I contacted her on Facebook and did realize only then that she unfriended me. I also sent her a mail but guess what? Nothing. I even contacted a common friend (well, good friend of her but only a distant friend for me) asking her, what is actually going on. But she ignored that question and only responded to a different issue. Looks like they're in cahoots together.

I am pretty mad tbh, because she is treating me incredibly disrespectfully like hardly anybody else did before. Look, I trusted her like I trusted only a small bunch of people. The worst thing is, that she actually knows about my little mental instability, my low self-esteem and inferiority complex. Ive gave her access to the deepest points of my mind. She also knew that I am adhering to friendships because I didnt have many friendships in the past and I know how it feels to be alone. Nevertheless, she drops me like an used tissue or some broken gadget, totally diregarding my feelings. Can she even image how Ive felt the last few weeks? Fair enough, meanwhile I am getting along apart of that strong desire for vengeance i will tell you about later in this post. Having a few other good friends in real life does definitely helps me. But during the last couple of weeks I cried more than once...

Moreover she once even told me that she was dropped by friends a couple of times. Therefore she must know how it feels. And her former boyfriend struggled with depressions.. she should also know how to treat unstable people sensitively (having said that, I am not depressive and I hopefully will never be). Her behaviour is awful. I am an human being and I am not flawless. So Ive made mistakes, yes. But I am also self-reflective, I notice my mistakes and I apologize. it has always been like that. So even if I messed up something in our friendship there is just one way to solve it: have a talk, discuss the problems and try to fix them - like normal, rational people do. Breaking up dear friendships without telling the reasons is awful.

I put a lot of efforts into this friendship. Weve been in cinema and musicals together, Ive helped her with uni projects, her bachelor thesis, bought and created her lots of presents, created mixtapes for her, played beautiful songs on piano just to her and always tried to make her laugh. Let alone I invited her for ice cream and things like that. I spent much time thinking about how to make her happy.

In my life Ive also been too gentle. I allowed bad people who i thought would be friends to use me, cheat on me and to play with me and I didnt have the guts to defend myself in a proper way. Sometimes I was ashamed of myself and couldnt even look at myself in the mirror. Thats why at some point Ive became very vindictive. People should learn that having me as an enemy is a risk, nobody likes to take. I wanna make clear that I deserve respect like everybody else, since I try to be respectful to other people, too. I think there is that one bad thing I once have to do to gain the respect of other people. Setting a warning example. I wont tell you my plans for her because thats evil but it contains the words "photoshop" and "nudes" and its definitely not legal.

I dont wanna destroy her life cause after all I believe she is a good person, who just made a very bad decision and who knows if she is only badly influenced by somebody else who think of me as a bad person she should not be in contact with. I only wanna scare her a and making her panic for a short moment, before undoing everything what is part of my plan. For her that should be a lesson about respect, friendship and sensibility. She should know I could be the best and most generous friend she can imagine but she should not mess with me cause thats a fight she can not win. The friendship will obviously be destroyed forever after I laid my vengeance upon her but at least I'll have the sweet feeling of satisfaction and I will feel strong for the first time of my life.

Thanks for reading. Sorry if I overshadowed Dannys positive post. We definitely need more positivity in here. Congrats [MENTION=11745]DannyDS[/MENTION] for being satisified and sucessful in your new job. Keep it up!

 

[Leydan]

[MENTION=11993]whiteshoes[/MENTION] to put it bluntly, you can do better. She sounds like an incredibly selfish person who has taken a lot from you and just thrown you aside when she is done. If she could do that so callously then I'm sorry to say but you couldn't have meant a great deal to her in the first place. It's sad that it's happened after you've clearly opened up to her and invested so much time and energy in her but in the long term it is for the best. The fact she doesn't even have the guts to explain why to you speaks volumes. I've had this very thing happen to me with a friend from when I was about 18. They just cut me off and blocked me everywhere and I had no idea why or what I did. To this day I even don't know, at the time it destroyed me because I had trusted them so much but I've learnt from it and you know what? I don't care anymore. This sudden change is going to hit you hard for quite a while but it will pass, all you can do is take comfort from your other friends you know you can rely on, or family. But please don't indulge those dark thoughts of revenge. I get you may be angry and upset but doing that would be a very bad move and something you'll instantly regret. You'll come out of it looking like an obsessive creep and could potentially get in trouble with the police if she reports it (Idk what German laws say). Don't waste your time or breath on her anymore. The pain will go away and you will feel a sense o relief after. I know we aren't really friends or even in the same circle but if you want to speak, you know where I am.