What on EARTH is Rein Alexander thinking?
If you had told me "Eyes Wide Open" by Rein Alexander wasn't the real deal, but a parody of every bad Eurovision cliché I would have believe it instantly. Because seriously, this song is not good. In fact it is so bad that the first intuitive response that I had was to laugh out loud at how incredulously awful it is.
Honestly, I think it might be time somebody checked up on poor Jacques Houdek. Because like in a true horror story, I think he might have died and his soul (or whatever Negaverse equivalent there is of a 'soul'), after spending months aimlessly wandering around Europe for a bit of altar boy on the side, possessed the first vessel large enough to house all of its primeval evil (Rein).
The delusions of grandeur, the self-righteousness,the ABSURD triptych of upbeat Tom Jones Schlager chorus and grim bell-ringing verses straight from a Hotel Transylvania-inspired musical set to stern 'Listen To My TED-Talk On How To Improve The World' lyrics. I just can't. I just can't believe actual people listened to something so grotesque and thought it was a good idea when even its most BASIC structural components (rhythm, vibe, text) don't go together.
Then, the 'branding'. Any song having its own branding goes off like a car alarm of wrongness. If you need to dunk your entry in try-hard symbolism, all you're telegraphing is a complete lack of confidence in your song, your message, your concept. If your song is good, it will sell itself. Hell, even songs that are notably NOT good, but are still highly entertaining because of the gimmicks they come with, sell themselves. (and this list is inexaustive for Eurovision: Toy, both Roop entries, anything sent by Moldova in the past 15 years,...) Not a SINGLE song by my knowledge used a fucking LOGO to convince the critics of its goodness, Eurovision or otherwise.
(it's honestly the same reason why I have such an instinctive dislike for 'KiiM'. Anyone who styles their name like that must be fully aware of how fundamentally uninteresting they are, right? Irrespective of 'My lonely voice' being the waking embodiment of the word 'uglycry.')
But nope, Rein resorts to having a composite of Eye of Horus, the World Ash (Yggdrasil) AND an Ourobouros as his symbol for... reasons? To signify what, exactly? I would assume some dogshit combo of 'truth, longevity and eternity' but how about I get those ideas from listening to your song buddy, a song sung in a language I am supposed to fucking understand, instead of wasting my time looking at a contrived symbol whose very existence defecates on THREE different mythologies and trying to pick apart any sort of descernible meaning.
It's exactly the SAME sort of #PretentiousRubbish we saw when 'Equinox' revealed their song (the equally empty vessel 'Bones') at the 'start of the astronomical Equinox' blah blah BLAH, because heaven forbid we come up with any original ideas by ourselves. It's not music, it's the same sort of New Age neophyte NONSENSE used by tv astrologers - If you make it sound vague and ominous enough, if you create enough smoke to maintain an air of mystery, then the casuals and sheeple won't immediately find out how fucking full of shit you truly are.
This is not a song. It's not even a concept. It's a misconcept.
Personally, I have yet to decide whether I like it ironically or not. I can muster some -academic- appreciation for it if I can just point and laugh at how awful and contrived and stupid it is, with the caveat that others are in on the joke as well. 'My Friend' may be the biggest war crime to come out of the Balkans since the genocide but I can at least laugh at the hilarious duality of the drop-dead seriousness with which Houdek served his complete bullshit insincerity. It was a joke! I know it, you know it, we all laughed. It's an established fact *everyone except for Jacques* feels the same way we do, and that makes it possible to stomach.
Rein may follow a similar trajectory, but ONLY if he's in on the joke. Or if he takes a turn for something so incredulously absurd and popmous I can't not laugh at it and makes him a joke by proxy.
But if he seriously thinks *this* is a Meaningful And Good Attempt At Eurovision, then it's an arms race between him and 'KiiM' for the bottom of my ranking, in the bloodiest shade of red.
May the best KEiiNO win.