How do you feel?

[Brandt]

I am studying Italian and feeling super motivated to do something in a long while.

 

[ShoeFlo]

I am Ill

Other that that my life has been pretty good lately

 

[Eulaliya]

I am Ill

Other that that my life has been pretty good lately

Sad to hear that, get well soon ShoeFlo and listen to your body's needs. Don't ever push yourself to the physical limits.

 

[ShoeFlo]

Sad to hear that, get well soon ShoeFlo and listen to your body's needs. Don't ever push yourself to the physical limits.

Thats very nice of you Eulaliya. appreciate these words
However I didnt really follow your advice... Had a long night with some friends with music, David Lynch movies and morbid jokes... I drunk 8 beers if I counted right You must think I am dead now but it seems like the beer had an healing impact as my headaches are over now
As Homer Simpson used to say: alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems!

 

[RainyWoods]

Thats very nice of you Eulaliya. appreciate these words
However I didnt really follow your advice... Had a long night with some friends with music, David Lynch movies and morbid jokes... I drunk 8 beers if I counted right You must think I am dead now but it seems like the beer had an healing impact as my headaches are over now
As Homer Simpson used to say: alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems!

What were the Lynch movies you watched? I hope one of them was my favourite, Inland Empire.

 

[Ausesken]

Since yesterday I feel like one of my eyelids moves super fast every now and then, which is pretty annoying to me, but people don't notice anything. I've been told it means I'm nervous, but I don't feel nervous at all.

 

[RainyWoods]

Edit: I felt a bit awkward after writing this post. I don't want to delete it though so i've placed it into a spoiler. It's a sad read.

I feel myself heading towards a really dark place. My mum just told me that she was informed today that her best friend is dying and hasn't got long left now. For years she has been unwell, suffering from anorexia but it's reached the point now where the damage done to her body, her lungs and heart is apparently irreversible. She weighs at this moment the same weight as our three cats put together, and doesn't leave the house because of the looks and comments she gets. My mum is heartbroken, and seeing a member of your family in tears is the worst feeling. It's not easy for my mum to see her friend either as she lives in Taiwan. The two of them chat online almost every day, but she hasn't seen her face to face in some years, not since the friend was studying fashion in London. Without knowing the full story (as this was told to my mum by a friend of the friend who felt she needed to know), I tried to comfort my mum by telling her that maybe there is a chance of recovery. Anorexia is an incredibly serious illness, but it's something that can be overcome with support. I want to pay for her to go to Taiwan to see her friend. This girl loves my mother so much, and I think that just having a friend besides you can give you the strength to overcome what can feel like impossible obstacles. My mums friend wants to live and had dreams. From my understanding those dreams were crushed and she was left broken by dark events (too horrible to put here) that happened when she was in Europe.

At the same time my mothers cousin from Japan is currently undergoing chemotherapy. Why is life so cruel? I feel so helpless sometimes. But then life is so precious. Every moment needs to be a special one if we can make it so. I just wish I was better at listening to my own words. The ones that could actually help me. There's always been two voices in the back of my head. The one that's been mournful and morose ever since I was a child, fearing death and often letting those thoughts consume me. Then there's the side that's so passionate. That yearns to be so in love with life, and to fulfill every wish and live my dreams. But reminders of the cruel realities of life always drag me back to where it's not safe for me to be. There are common struggles we all as humans face in life, even those in ivory towers. For some people though I feel like the journey is easier, maybe by through having a faith to live by or just a general acceptance of life for what it is. I don't possess those things and instead harbour fear, anger and this weird poignant nostalgia for things that aren't even gone yet. I'm such a feely person that everything is just so hard, magnified and focused on.


I'm sorry this post had such a dark tone. I felt I just needed to write something, and that i'll feel better for letting it out of me. I go through mood swings a lot and generally keep myself to myself when i'm like this, but these past few weeks have gotten me down so hard, and now the added problem of worrying about those I love. My father has a week visit scheduled for tomorrow though, so that might lift my spirits a bit, and I can pass on my seemingly forever present flu to him

 

[Himan]

Thanks to you [MENTION=9441]RainyWoods[/MENTION] I have found myself a great analogy for pain and love and maybe other emotions. Love are cables through our hearts(sound awful I know), the bigger the love the bigger the cables. But through those cables are things we can send emotions like happiness and pain through. The thickness of your cable with your mom must be a billion trillion infinities. All that pain you feel because of your mother's pain sounds awesome. The biggest problem is: you have to do something with that pain. A part of it will be in your heart forever, but it's best to send a big part to other people or even better through the cable of the sky. So I'm happy you have been sending some pain to me, cause I can put in into the sky and give some happiness back to our tiny cable(compared with your cable with your mother.)I also believe you will keep some in your heart and send it to the sky even if you want to. But please know how much you can keep in your heart for your own sake.


So if you think someone has an ivory tower: He probably has a heart that almost explodes or is able to send lots to the sky. Both are probably not that good.

Short: pat pat.

 

[r3gg13]

[MENTION=15499]Ausesken[/MENTION] that could be a physical manifestation of stress. If that's the case, please get yourself some good relaxation this Friday and weekend!

[MENTION=9441]RainyWoods[/MENTION]Thank you for sharing with that with us. I hope that talking it out/typing it out has helped you cope and progress. Always know that there's always an open ear in this forum

 

[AlekS]

After "... Ukraine. Still existing country. As yet." (as if we would stop our existence soon) said by EBU broadcaster's TV host on air ... I'm just wondering what else do they need to do in order to be banned from the EBU? Their journahoes shoot our military positions from a heavy machine gun on camera in order to provoke a rocket strike at 9-storey-building with people. And they confess their intentions on camera. I just can't at this


Someone who was close is all hyped about them, even after they've threatened to turn his country into "nuclear dust" (c) ... How is that even possible - they want to erase your country and you salivate all over them, and it's not trolling(( I have a "talent" to fall for such people

 

[DenizESC]

Though I can understand your frustration I think the whole point of ESC was to bring everyone in Europe together and pause the politics for a second, and this goes for all countries regardless of us classifying them as 'the good guy' or 'the bad guy'. I think it would be against the spirit of ESC to ban a country bcs of political reasons, actually that'd be a joke.

 

[AlekS]

I think it would be against the spirit of ESC to ban a country bcs of political reasons, actually that'd be a joke.

Lol, how the hell sanctioning our broadcaster & NF production company (thus not voting for us for the next 3 years at least) is in line with ESC spirit?
Selecting a person who commited a crime as their ESC representative? Their journalists commiting war crimes on camera? Threatening at least 2 EBU members in their prime time shows? How does it match ESC spirit? *confused*


ps. And I was talking about particular broadcasters, not country They've got some normal broadcasters too, those who are interested in music, not politics. One of them wanted to represent Kazkhstan via their sub-division in that country.

 

[DenizESC]

I get your point, just don't think it is EBU's business to look at what their journalists are doing. I agree about the Yulia thing and all btw, I'm certainly not a Russia fan either. Just saying ESC is only a music contest for us all to relax for one second in our lifes, it is not much deeper then that. (I know some of their decisions doesn't make this easy)

Also this is off-topic lol

 

[AlekS]

Just saying ESC is only a music contest for us all to relax for one second in our lifes, it is not much deeper then that. (I know some of their decisions doesn't make this easy)

Also this is off-topic lol

Not off-topic!)) These are my feelings. Trying to find the reason to relax to someone who threatened to kill us, and stalked our ESC performer, and violated her parents' privacy (talking about ESC spirit). Closing eyes on all of this again and again. How is that possible? I'm not prejudiced against their performers - Lazarev & Gagarina play for both sides, they are no strangers to us, I know them personally. Even Samoylova defended LGBT, at the channel, and partied to Melovin in Altice Arena. It's not their fault that they have such broadcasters but I'll be torn if I would like their future entry.
I haven't said anything to my friend because I'm confused as f. I guess I'll leave it as it is then.

 

[Ausesken]

On the one hand, I feel happy in the sense that I don't have any problem that affects me much, I like my job, I was told I would earn 75% more from now on, everything's fine. But on the other hand, I'm afraid I am waiting for something that will never come and I'm losing all my hopes. And perhaps you think 'go for it'. Yeah, I tried once and the cost was my mental health for months. No, thank you. I better surrender and accept that I was not born for that.

 

[Brandt]

On the one hand, I feel happy in the sense that I don't have any problem that affects me much, I like my job, I was told I would earn 75% more from now on, everything's fine. But on the other hand, I'm afraid I am waiting for something that will never come and I'm losing all my hopes. And perhaps you think 'go for it'. Yeah, I tried once and the cost was my mental health for months. No, thank you. I better surrender and accept that I was not born for that.

Sometimes it is better to just step back and take some time to just chill and relax. "Going for it" is often how traumatic experiences occur in the end. Life is not like a page of paper. Just keep yourself out if sight/attention and enjoy small things in life maybe, whatever you may await at the moment.

 

[r3gg13]

On the one hand, I feel happy in the sense that I don't have any problem that affects me much, I like my job, I was told I would earn 75% more from now on, everything's fine. But on the other hand, I'm afraid I am waiting for something that will never come and I'm losing all my hopes. And perhaps you think 'go for it'. Yeah, I tried once and the cost was my mental health for months. No, thank you. I better surrender and accept that I was not born for that.

You know yourself the best. If you think that going for it will benefit you, then go for it. If you think that it would not, then do not go for it. At the end of the day, you will be the one living with the results of your actions. Focus on the positives, and the great things that are happening to you. All the negatives will dissolve to smithereens.

Always feel free to reach out, there's always someone here that listens

---------------
As for me

As for me, I have been doing a lot of introspection lately. I think that the past few months have a been a time for a lot of personal growth. I got married. My husband and I moved to a new city, San Diego, California where we live happily. I honestly think that we haven't been this happy! My husband teaches in a local school, and he has been generally satisfied even with the difficulties of being a teacher. I took a leap of faith, and started my clinical doctoral program which I thoroughly enjoy. As challenging as it gets in terms of intense course work, and the unpredictability of patient interaction and clinical rotation, I have to say that I am very glad that I am doing what I am currently doing. I am so happy to be in a non-stop learning environment. I enjoy interacting with my patients, and listening to their needs, their lives. I feel that I am finally realizing my dream, and that I could see myself in this field for the rest of my life. Of course, there are stressful and difficult moments, but in terms of the big picture, both my husband and I are satisfied and contented.

A year ago, I felt that all of this was impossible, especially joining a clinical doctoral program. Then I told myself, I had nothing to lose and a lot to gain. At that time, I had been preparing for this for 2 years: I cannot and I should not be my worst enemy. I applied to 6 programs, and I got into all of them, 3 of the programs even offered me scholarship grants. Had I stopped myself, I would not be this happy and I would not have the opportunities that I currently have.

 

[Ausesken]

Since weeks ago I feel exhausted all the time, like I don't sleep (but I do). However, I also feel positive and I'm sure about the changes I'm going to make in my life. Some people won't like them, but I don't care, just like one day they didn't care about my problems.

 

[Eulaliya]

I feel somewhat mentally tortured with shame because I feel that some aspects of my life are now an open book to my younger sister (which is meant to be kept well-hidden), even my activity here is now compromised, shame to her in my due honesty.

My apologies for that kind of reaction, I just couldn't overcome my shame

 

[Ausesken]

Every day I feel worse phisically. I think I need several days off work but I can't take them until January. It's not normal in me sleeping 8 hours, and yet almost falling over while standing on the platform. January please comeee.