How do you feel?

[JSSArcos]

Hello everyone !

My routine is going to change,the school in Portugal will begin on Tuesday, and I go to the 11 school year (many they say that is the year difficult), but I'm focused and work to get the best media possible (I finished with 16.5 / 20 last year),I still don't know what I want to follow in the future and that worries me a little (but I still have more than a year to decide).I'm happy about school, see my colleagues again and of course learn a little more, actually what most bothers me at school are the schedules (I'm not a person who likes to go to bed early),I sometimes feel annoyed by having to study and sometimes decorate subjects/matters that I do not like and that will be totally useless for my future life.I think that teaching should change, focusing on more important matters and more practical school education ! Unfortunately my time for this forum will get smaller,but I'll continue to see here at least once a day

 

[DutchSuomiFan]

[MENTION=15323]Eulaliya[/MENTION] I read that right, your dad hit you with a rod? If so I'm truly sorry this happened to you, no child should be struck like that from their parents. I know different cultures do different things, but it's unacceptable imo. Then for him to go on say what he said, the harsh words of those closest can hit the hardest. You clearly are having an incredibly rough time in life at the moment, but as basic as it sounds, it wont last forever. These things will shape you as a person, and you will surely come out of it stronger, and look back on these days in the future and feel a sense of achievement for how far you have gone. Academics are not what only matters, and each person is different. Only because you didn't perform super well, doesn't mean you aren't smart or have potential. Our societies and system force people down academic routes and make them think that is all that matters, achieving those grades. When many people are not suited to academics, and flourish through other means. It's clear you are one of those people. We've seen it time and time again that you are an insanely talented person at art, your drawings are amazing and i'm certain many of us on here couldn't do anywhere near as good as you. If you want to go back to college and school to study, then you do that. Make it happen, but believe it that college and grades aren't everything.

Hi Eulaliya. I know this is a late response, but I did not see your post until now. It's awful to read about this. I'm very sorry for you and I wish you all the best. I apologize for the post that I wrote in the other topic in which I wrote 'I hope that [MENTION=15323]Eulaliya[/MENTION] is OK'. I was referring to the hurricane, not to this situation, which I did not know of.

How do I feel? Well, I think I feel OK. Last weekend, my grandma died at the age of 92, which is a respectable age of course. Her death went very fast. We received a call on Friday night that my grandma was in a very bad condition and that her life probably would not last much longer anymore. My parents then planned to go and see her on Saturday as it might have been the last opportunity to see her. But on Saturday morning we heard that she had passed away the night before. The way we received the message that she died was a bit silly though. The nursing home called my dad's phone in the middle of the night, which he was not able to hear as he was asleep. They did not even try to call our landline. Had they done that then we may have heard the message much earlier. Anyway, my parents went to the nursing home on Saturday to arrange a lot of stuff for the funeral. They saw her body before she was put into the coffin as well. My mom told me that she (my grandma) had a small smile on her face as if she was to say 'I died happily'. To be honest, it was a miracle that she survived the last couple of years anyway. She was sick, she had a blood disease, she didn't eat and drink enough and she was just recovering from a pneumonia. She has been in and out of the hospital ever since 2005. Her husband (my grandpa) died 4 years ago. It was obvious that she missed him after being together for about 70 years! So I think that we can all live with this, despite the fact that death is not a nice thing to think about of course. The thing that worries me a bit is that we are a small family. There's nothing we can do about it, but I do not feel comfortable about it at all. From my dad's side of the family, I've only got one uncle and my dad left. No siblings, no cousins, no nephews, no nieces, no grandparents. I will be the last man standing from my dad's side of the family since I will not get any children because of my autism. I wouldn't be able to raise them while being autistic. On my mom's side of the family, I've still got my uncle, my aunt & my 2 cousins. What I'm afraid of, is that I will feel a bit lonely once the biggest part of my family are dead. All old people in my family are dead now. That's not the only thing. It's nearly the 1 year anniversary of the death of my best friend. He died at the age of 27. I still can't stop thinking about him and at times I feel emotional about his death. You know, we had so many great memories. We loved listening to music together at work. There are a lot of songs of which I have memories about him. Time Stood Still by Bad English was our song, just like Ik Wou Dat Ik Jou Was by Veldhuis & Kemper and Alles Is Op by Samson & Gert (only Dutch & Flemish people will understand ). I will probably forever remember those songs as the songs that we loved to sing along with. Then there's also Stairway To Heaven by Led Zeppelin. This is not a song that we sang together, but that song always makes me cry because of his death. I heard that song on the radio just the day after I heard he died. Therefore, I will always think about him while hearing that song. I can't even listen to that song just once without crying even though it's been one year already since he died. My life just isn't the same without him and, though it was much longer ago, my ex gf who broke up with me. Me and my best friend had a perfect click ever since we met at work for the first time in 2010. We have been friends ever since that time. This was not the first time that a very young person who cared about me died. My good MSN Messenger friend Melissa died in February 2009 at the age of just 17. Suicide. I remember the last time we ever messaged each other. It was December 31, 2008. We were like 'hope things get better in 2009'. They clearly didn't. The day I heard she died was probably one of the weirdest days I've ever encountered. She was a beautiful girl and I meant a lot to her, though I wasn't her BF. According to her best friend, she always talked about me, not about any of her other online friends. Though we did not have much contact since one year before she died, I will always remember her.

EDIT : sorry for my message being this long.

 

[Ausesken]

Today it's been a very stressful day.

To start off, it was the first time I felt actually afraid in the train because there was a crazy, aggressive guy in the same carriage as me and I was almost alone. He hit the train's door, insulted and shouted to a man who had said absolutely nothing, and he was clearly trying to avoid the security staff of the train, who never appeared in my carriage where he was. He shouted super loudly every now and then, obviously he was on drugs. I didn't dare to move not to get his attention, because inside me I was sure he would then have attacked me and probably robbed me. So I've stayed quiet looking at the window until we reached my stop. I had seen very weird people in the train before, but nothing like this.

And then at work I've been alone again, and I'm starting to get tired of my colleague's absences because she's been working there for years, she knows better how to do certain things but she disappears when we need her most, and she thinks I can retain and have all the information I need with a single call. And I even had to change my appointment at the doctor's to go to work earlier and replace her. Then she complains if I take free days in 'not very convenient dates because there's a lot of stuff to do'. Oh, but she is on holidays when we have to prepare all the budgets of the courses, announce them, register people in them, and she also takes free days a week before the town's festival.

 

[Himan]

Well, I've got kinda a job So, now I will have less time here. Less Bhutanese Music, less info about Samoan Football. And so on. XD

 

[Gera11]

This is really not my year xdohOr at least this second half is really shitting me.

I finally graduated from law university in July and I was on my merry way to join the National Institute for Magistracy's study program for two years and become a judge but I failed the entrance exam in early September. This was an exam I pretty much mentally prepared for the entire of university (4 years) and during all this summer, but alas, I flunked it (in my defense, it was hard as well). I was 'oh well, there is always next year' and trying to bounce back, but ever since my self-confidence and morale is in shambles...

Until today, when I noticed that my university is having a second round of signing up for a master's program and it is ending today! OMG! I totally missed the first round since I was focusing on the NIM's exam. I looked up the subjects and everything and it was pretty damn useful for my next NIM exam in August/September 2019. And it was only one year, I would've got my degree by April or so. Panic mode: on. I immediately started to gather the necessary documents and copies and shit like that, and went to my uni to apply. Of course, it was too good to be true. The secretary there told that all spots were already occupied from the first round of signing up and the second round was just a formality. FOR. FUCK'S. SAKE. I feel like shit now, I was so ready to start my master's year on Monday. :"D

Now I will just have to study on my own until next year, when I can take the National Institute for Magistracy entrance exam again. This is the first time in like..idk..16 years when I'm not in school and it feels just weird, man. I'll have to organize my own study time. Oh well, at least it has good parts: a lot of freedom. I just need to start...

 

[Nicholas123]

This is really not my year xdohOr at least this second half is really shitting me.

I finally graduated from law university in July and I was on my merry way to join the National Institute for Magistracy's study program for two years and become a judge but I failed the entrance exam in early September. This was an exam I pretty much mentally prepared for the entire of university (4 years) and during all this summer, but alas, I flunked it (in my defense, it was hard as well). I was 'oh well, there is always next year' and trying to bounce back, but ever since my self-confidence and morale is in shambles...

Until today, when I noticed that my university is having a second round of signing up for a master's program and it is ending today! OMG! I totally missed the first round since I was focusing on the NIM's exam. I looked up the subjects and everything and it was pretty damn useful for my next NIM exam in August/September 2019. And it was only one year, I would've got my degree by April or so. Panic mode: on. I immediately started to gather the necessary documents and copies and shit like that, and went to my uni to apply. Of course, it was too good to be true. The secretary there told that all spots were already occupied from the first round of signing up and the second round was just a formality. FOR. FUCK'S. SAKE. I feel like shit now, I was so ready to start my master's year on Monday. :"D

Now I will just have to study on my own until next year, when I can take the National Institute for Magistracy entrance exam again. This is the first time in like..idk..16 years when I'm not in school and it feels just weird, man. I'll have to organize my own study time. Oh well, at least it has good parts: a lot of freedom. I just need to start...

Aren't you interested in becoming a freelance lawyer? But the NIM is definitely a great career choice, so go for it! Study hard!

 

[Gera11]

Aren't you interested in becoming a freelance lawyer?

Oh, I decided to apply for the bar exam next year as well, it is in July or so, so I can try both. Being a freelance lawyer however sounds pretty scary

But the NIM is definitely a great career choice, so go for it! Study hard!

Thanks

 

[Nicholas123]

Being a freelance lawyer however sounds pretty scary ops

It is...2

 

[Ausesken]

Do you know the typical advice that it's better you try because otherwise you'll always regret not having at least tried it?

It's a bad advice.

I will always regret trying. At least I've learnt that I won't do it again, never. I knew I was a person who hated taking risks, but I made an exception and it was a disaster that almost drove me crazy literally. So no more risks from now on. I might let go many chances by doing it, but at least I will be sane.

 

[blue00eyes]

I also never take risks, I need to calculate anything.. need to feel safe in life.

 

[DenizESC]

[MENTION=15499]Ausesken[/MENTION] it's funny bcs I was thinking about some similar things lately. I'm actually the complete opposite and take all risks possible even when it's very obvious there are much better alternatives and can confirm it's no good have this mentality continuously, sure taking a guess now and then is ok. But really you always end up in what you pictured in your mind to be the worst possible, never really the best circumstances and it's tiring. Some patience, some second thoughts on stuff and esp. taking the safe route every now and then is what I personally must learn. I would love to be like you guys tbh but losing habits really is easier said then done, the moment you have these sudden adrenaline boosts you can't realy think str8... Agree with you Olga, it's better to just stay in your own lane and do things your way.

 

[Ausesken]

[MENTION=15499]Ausesken[/MENTION] it's funny bcs I was thinking about some similar things lately. I'm actually the complete opposite and take all risks possible even when it's very obvious there are much better alternatives and can confirm it's no good have this mentality continuously, sure taking a guess now and then is ok. But really you always end up in what you pictured in your mind to be the worst possible, never really the best circumstances and it's tiring. Some patience, some second thoughts on stuff and esp. taking the safe route every now and then is what I personally must learn. I would love to be like you guys tbh but losing habits really is easier said then done, the moment you have these sudden adrenaline boosts you can't realy think str8... Agree with you Olga, it's better to just stay in your own lane and do things your way.

I think it depends a lot of your own strenght. If you take risks but you are strong enough to get things over if it ends up badly, then it’s logical you rather take risks, Deniz. I am very sensitive, outside everybody thinks my heart is made of stone because I hide my emotions, but actually my feelings are very intense. Thus, I feel the pain (psychological pain ofc) very intensively too, and I will do everything in order to prevent feeling it again. If there are not clear signs that the way is safe, I’m not going to walk it.

Edit: I thought I was strong, but found out that I am not.

 

[DenizESC]

I think it depends a lot of your own strenght. If you take risks but you are strong enough to get things over if it ends up badly, then it’s logical you rather take risks, Deniz. I am very sensitive, outside everybody thinks my heart is made of stone because I hide my emotions, but actually my feelings are very intense. Thus, I feel the pain (psychological pain ofc) very intensively too, and I will do everything in order to prevent feeling it again. If there are not clear signs that the way is safe, I’m not going to walk it.

Edit: I thought I was strong, but found out that I am not.

It's true that I get over things really quickly and don't really care that much, don't know if this is a good trait though lol many people, friends, fam etc. have actually told me I scare them sometimes and some have distanced themselves from me bcs of this.

Oh and sweet Olga , Yes you are maybe a sensitive person, but that does NOT mean that you're not a strong person! You're just an individual that tries to make the best of some tough situations that you are facing in life, it is normal for you to try to prevent feeling all these negative things again and try make the best of the situation. Negativity will not make anyone feel better. Might not be the best thing though for your mental well being long term to keep all this pain to yourself, don't be scared to let go sometimes. Your emotions are there and they are valid, reach out to me again btw whenever (if) you feel like it I cleared my inbox

 

[Ausesken]

I don’t understand. Yesterday I was ok and suddenly right before sleeping I started having a sore throat, runny nose and feeling cold. And sleeping hasn’t changed it, I’m worse today.

 

[Ausesken]

Me today after going to work ill and not enough warmly clothed:

 

[Leydan]

Literally me most days tbh, ill or not.

 

[Ausesken]

Literally me most days tbh, ill or not.

hahaha well, yes, me too unless it's the day before starting holidays, then I'm like

 

[Ausesken]

I won’t be anybody’s second choice, I HATE it, so byeee I’ll be giving my time to someone that really appreciates me.

 

[Leydan]

I've been so tired and lacked any motivation lately. I've been working some weird hours and i've been getting almost 0 sleep, which has drained my motivation to do anything else that takes effort or thought. I've been active a bit on here, but it's like i'm auto-pilot and neglecting everything around me. I got a little boost today when I saw at work i'd been given some 'in moments' which are customer reviews. People had said how nice, friendly etc I had been and how it's always nice to see me and how i'm a credit to the company, but I feel like I get 0 time to unwind and relax before I'm back. Not to mention the pressure I feel from people.

 

[Ausesken]

I've been so tired and lacked any motivation lately. I've been working some weird hours and i've been getting almost 0 sleep, which has drained my motivation to do anything else that takes effort or thought. I've been active a bit on here, but it's like i'm auto-pilot and neglecting everything around me. I got a little boost today when I saw at work i'd been given some 'in moments' which are customer reviews. People had said how nice, friendly etc I had been and how it's always nice to see me and how i'm a credit to the company, but I feel like I get 0 time to unwind and relax before I'm back. Not to mention the pressure I feel from people.

from time to time we all need to hear good things about us, especially regarding our jobs, where usually you're only told what you don't do right xsnooty
Come oooon, go to sleep earlier for some days (suggested by someone who never goes to bed early and prefers sleeping very few hours ) we need the energetic Ashley back. x