Hell yeah feeling
Wow what an achievement, Congratulations!! To get an honours Degree (Is it that?) you must have surely worked hard.
How do you feel?
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Wow what an achievement, Congratulations!! To get an honours Degree (Is it that?) you must have surely worked hard.
Hey Kai,
at least you got to know – admittedly on a cruel way – what kind of medicine is not working for you, so you are one step closer to find the "medicine" (not only literally) that helps you to face the light of happiness and satisfaction. I am crossing my fingers for you on what is certainly a rocky road. and just like many other people here I'd like to make things easier as far as I can from my position (sitting in front of a computer).
So I think it is great you are about to open up a bit. I've never considered you a difficult or distant person here. You might be in real life, but here in the forum you have been one of the people who put a lot of passion in all you are writing and a person who lends your sympathetic ear to other peoples issues. Moreover, in any kind of discussions you have a diplomatic and de-escalating manner and what I also love is that you've got strong opinions on most topics, espcially when it comes to any pop-cultural thing... I think one could have a talk with you until midnight and it would never get boringKeep going
Can only second this post without much else to add. There isn't many people I can speak to about all sorts of stuff for hours on end but Kai is one of them, it doesn't happen so often but it's always a treat (that often includes watching some Kays Good Cookin' video). I'm confident you'll find your way through this hard path Rainy, even if it feels very hard. You're a strong individual and everyone is rooting for you.
RainyWoods
Croak-kay
I haven't seeked help for it in years but when I was diagnosed with IBS, I went through many food tests and there was nothing inparticular that triggered me more than anything else, though strangely nuts (which I read are supposed to be good for IBS), certain fruits such as blackcurrants and spicy food do have the tendency irritate my stomach. My IBS has always been stress related, and it can flare up over the smallest of worries. I have flare ups when the weather is warmer as well.
It's incredible how knowledgeable you are about all this sort of stuff. I feel like I should be calling you Dr. Fer
I appreciate your advice so much. If I can help myself by making lifestyle and diet changes then I'm going to try my best to do it.Can only second this post without much else to add. There isn't many people I can speak to about all sorts of stuff for hours on end but Kai is one of them, it doesn't happen so often but it's always a treat (that often includes watching some Kays Good Cookin' video). I'm confident you'll find your way through this hard path Rainy, even if it feels very hard. You're a strong individual and everyone is rooting for you.
Aw Ashley
When we get going we talk about any old wonderful nonsense for hours, from cats to cooking to that time we both had the same Eurovision number 1. It helps so much to know you and others are behind me. I was admittedly a bit low the morning you wrote this message to me, and it brightened my day the moment I saw it. I think it's testament to how wonderful you all are that I, someone who's very private feels comfortable openly writing really quite personal stuff here. Stuff of course that shouldn't have to be kept secret cause it helps so much to talk. I think you were the very first person here maybe six or seven years ago I talked about my mental health problems with and you've been kind and supportive from the very beginning. Thank you so much for that. I look up to you a lot.
I haven't slept much today. In my town there is an asylum and sometimes some people escape from there. This morning, around 5 am, one of them was shouting in my street, stood right in the middle of the road to make the cars stop and tried to open their doors and jump in. Of course, they speeded up, even if there was the red light. We called the police and both them and the ambulance spent some time trying to catch him. I don't know if they finally caught him or not though.
Damn, that's some drama. I think to be fair most of them are totally harmless but no matter it's always concerning when things like that happen. Not to mention the mind cooking up all sorts of scenarios like out of horror films.
From what I saw, it was obvious that he was not sane, but he didn't seem aggressive either. Just desperate to escape. However, as we don't know what mental problems he has, I'd be much calmer if I knew he is in the asylum again. Time ago we also saw a man who apparently escaped from there, but he was wearing a -literally- bloody gown, and we are not sure whether he is the same or not. And another one escaped and took the train... I guess they have some security issues.
I................... FINISHED................................... MY....................................................... PAPER.................................................................
RainyWoods
Croak-kay
THIS IS A POSITIVE POST FROM ME, I promise. Don't run away. Very mysterious and cryptic too
I feel sick (in a good way). I feel anxious (in a good way). I feel this fluttery feeling in my stomach. I've had without a doubt the worst two months of my life mentally and physically, but life... well it has a weird way sometimes of doing things. With the help of others I pushed through all of that when it felt impossible, but I still up until a few days back had been feeling pretty much the same, and I had heavy PTSD. Now I'm feeling sort of a mess again but for all the RIGHT reasons. I'm experiencing feelings I've never felt before perhaps simply because I never allowed myself to entertain such possibilities or thoughts. This all seems genuinely crazy and you're probably thinking what the heck is he going on about? Whatever happens next in my life, I won't forget this particular turning point and what I know already it has done for me. I feel like this was finally the it can click, go on, click it moment in my head I needed. I never thought a certain something was possible for me but it totally was and I'm cautiously open (scared admittedly) to letting it happen. If it doesn't happen though, I'm forever going to be grateful for this moment, these moments. I just can't stop smiling.
I feel sick (in a good way). I feel anxious (in a good way). I feel this fluttery feeling in my stomach. I've had without a doubt the worst two months of my life mentally and physically, but life... well it has a weird way sometimes of doing things. With the help of others I pushed through all of that when it felt impossible, but I still up until a few days back had been feeling pretty much the same, and I had heavy PTSD. Now I'm feeling sort of a mess again but for all the RIGHT reasons. I'm experiencing feelings I've never felt before perhaps simply because I never allowed myself to entertain such possibilities or thoughts. This all seems genuinely crazy and you're probably thinking what the heck is he going on about? Whatever happens next in my life, I won't forget this particular turning point and what I know already it has done for me. I feel like this was finally the it can click, go on, click it moment in my head I needed. I never thought a certain something was possible for me but it totally was and I'm cautiously open (scared admittedly) to letting it happen. If it doesn't happen though, I'm forever going to be grateful for this moment, these moments. I just can't stop smiling.
Last week I had birthday - and it was my first b-day without my dad. It felt empty, but nevertheless I am eternally grateful that he was always there for me and influenced me in so many ways. Yesterday was the day where he wasn't among us since half a year. Sometimes I remember him and I have a smile on my face, but there are moments when I just want to cry, knowing I will never be able to embrace him again. Losing someone means truly having to go a long way to really accept that he/she is gone forever. I wish I would have treasured him much more while he was alive and would have told him how much I love him.
But - all in all thanks to my brother and my mom, we are doing psychologically better than we ever imagined.
But - all in all thanks to my brother and my mom, we are doing psychologically better than we ever imagined.
ESC94
Well-known member
Thank you so much! And you know that you also make me feel always better!
A bit worried because my brother's "boss" (not the boss of bosses, but his boss after all) has coronavirus, so he has to take the test tomorrow as well. And he's been here every day. I have the feeling he won't have catched it though, but just in case I have cleaned everything.
Brandt
Well-known member
- Joined
- December 27, 2014
- Posts
- 3,203
I was hired for a position I was happy with. I worked only a week. Then the executive found out someone he personally knows was looking for the same position after having a deal with me, and I am told today that I am fired, even though my department director was against the decision and stood behind me until the end.
I hate private sector so very much, thank you.
I hate private sector so very much, thank you.
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Eulaliya
Well-known member
Mood right now:
That happened when you first qualified but you're addressed as simply the country/region name and nothing else. Is that the essence of qualifying when you're addressed like that and not the person behind it?
That happened when you first qualified but you're addressed as simply the country/region name and nothing else. Is that the essence of qualifying when you're addressed like that and not the person behind it?
It's has been a while since I've been here.
This, so far, is one of the worst weeks of the year. Maybe of the past three years or so. What happened? Absolutely nothing. Just the mind of someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder working at its worst.
Anxiety has different triggers to people; mine is death. So, anytime I think "oh my god, I might die now" leaves me at my absolute worse mental state. And I've been feeling this way since the beginning of the week for some odd reason I can't point out?
Eg.
On tuesday - I have an earache - omg it's cancer for sure
On wednesday - I have an uncomfortable feeling in my nose/eye area and a headache - omg it's cancer for sure
Today - I was on my bed just to select a song on my phone to play it and i almost slept despite not being asleep/having more than enough hours of sleep + a random toothache that lasted 10 seconds and haven't had it anymore - omg it's cancer for sure
These sound absurd and they probably are absurd anyway, but they seem like realistic possibilities to my mind and when i start feeding them like I am right now they just worsen and worsen.
Another example: I've been diagnosed with a minuscule nodule in my thyroid last year - it's really super minuscule and regular sized and does not interfere anything in my life (in theory), I just need to do checkups twice a year. However, because corona is a thing, I haven't done any this year (it should have been in june). I personally don't feel any symptoms such as difficulty to breathe (it's normal) or to swallow (it's also normal), some external change around the thyroid area (also normal) or not even evident hormonal changes (it's really everything alright). But, since I haven't done these exams, all my mind says to me is "you have thyroid cancer and you are going to die". Mental symptoms start becoming physical, now I feel something "uncomfortable" in my neck area - but only when I think about it, like I'm doing now - which is enough to feed my thoughts of having cancer etc. And the cycle repeats and worsens everytime. Fortunately not enough for a massive panic attack as I had when I was in the beginning of my treatment, back in 2015.
Get this issue + other routine exams postponed due to corona + a lifestyle that has become more unhealthy since corona + cases of young people on media AND people close to me having or dying from cancer make me terrified.
I am doing blood exams for the first time this year on Saturday, but I'm terrified of a negative outcome. I... just don't want to die. I am still young, there are many things I want to do, experiment, explore... and it's not my time to go. Just thinking of this possibility is leaving me on the verge of tears while writing this up.
Anyway, I just want to first thank Kai (@RainyWoods) who was there listening to my health paranoias during these days. I love you. And second, please bear with me. If I sound needy, unreasonable, impulsive, not rational, irresponsible, or anything of the sort, it's because of anxiety consuming my mind. Hopefully I will get better again, but it might come in small steps.
Stay healthy, and in case anything happens, I love all of you and I'm glad I met you.
This, so far, is one of the worst weeks of the year. Maybe of the past three years or so. What happened? Absolutely nothing. Just the mind of someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder working at its worst.
Anxiety has different triggers to people; mine is death. So, anytime I think "oh my god, I might die now" leaves me at my absolute worse mental state. And I've been feeling this way since the beginning of the week for some odd reason I can't point out?
Eg.
On tuesday - I have an earache - omg it's cancer for sure
On wednesday - I have an uncomfortable feeling in my nose/eye area and a headache - omg it's cancer for sure
Today - I was on my bed just to select a song on my phone to play it and i almost slept despite not being asleep/having more than enough hours of sleep + a random toothache that lasted 10 seconds and haven't had it anymore - omg it's cancer for sure
These sound absurd and they probably are absurd anyway, but they seem like realistic possibilities to my mind and when i start feeding them like I am right now they just worsen and worsen.
Another example: I've been diagnosed with a minuscule nodule in my thyroid last year - it's really super minuscule and regular sized and does not interfere anything in my life (in theory), I just need to do checkups twice a year. However, because corona is a thing, I haven't done any this year (it should have been in june). I personally don't feel any symptoms such as difficulty to breathe (it's normal) or to swallow (it's also normal), some external change around the thyroid area (also normal) or not even evident hormonal changes (it's really everything alright). But, since I haven't done these exams, all my mind says to me is "you have thyroid cancer and you are going to die". Mental symptoms start becoming physical, now I feel something "uncomfortable" in my neck area - but only when I think about it, like I'm doing now - which is enough to feed my thoughts of having cancer etc. And the cycle repeats and worsens everytime. Fortunately not enough for a massive panic attack as I had when I was in the beginning of my treatment, back in 2015.
Get this issue + other routine exams postponed due to corona + a lifestyle that has become more unhealthy since corona + cases of young people on media AND people close to me having or dying from cancer make me terrified.
I am doing blood exams for the first time this year on Saturday, but I'm terrified of a negative outcome. I... just don't want to die. I am still young, there are many things I want to do, experiment, explore... and it's not my time to go. Just thinking of this possibility is leaving me on the verge of tears while writing this up.
Anyway, I just want to first thank Kai (@RainyWoods) who was there listening to my health paranoias during these days. I love you. And second, please bear with me. If I sound needy, unreasonable, impulsive, not rational, irresponsible, or anything of the sort, it's because of anxiety consuming my mind. Hopefully I will get better again, but it might come in small steps.
Stay healthy, and in case anything happens, I love all of you and I'm glad I met you.
Fierro
Well-known member
I have been enrolled in uni for getting future Master's degree in Software Engineering. Passed 2 tests and got 384/400 total (english test and the one specific for my specialilty).
Ah shit here we go again... Year ago thought that I'm over with education for good...
Ah shit here we go again... Year ago thought that I'm over with education for good...
RainyWoods
Croak-kay
@anaraqueen it's so horrible your mind is going through all these things. I'm not in the same boat but I too know very well how anxiety works and the hold it has on your life. With me it's social anxiety. If I've got an event planned then my head in advance starts thinking about what negative things could happen, and it's usually things that have a ridiculously low chance of becoming reality, and yet those thoughts, those fears so easily consume you.
Good luck with your blood exams tomorrow. I'm hopeful it will all be alright. Each worry you've had this week has turned out to be a false alarm. I'm here to talk to anytime you need me.
Good luck with your blood exams tomorrow. I'm hopeful it will all be alright. Each worry you've had this week has turned out to be a false alarm. I'm here to talk to anytime you need me.