How do you feel?

[DaFlo]

Nooo Olga Don't give up. You are special. God gives the hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. You gotta keep the hope. One single moment can change your life, you never know when it can happen. I strongly believe that one day all the struggle will be worth it. Maybe try out sth new, like playing tennis again as we talked about it in the chat. It is your life, don't compare yourself to other ppl. Switch things up, a small change in your routine can turn into a big change in your life.

And at the end of the day when you don't feel good we are here to help you, always remember that

 

[Leydan]

I can only echo what DaFlo has said, don't compare yourself to anyone else. We are all beautiful and unique in our own ways and appreciated by people around us, even if we don't realise it. Share your struggles with your family, Olga. You are a strong person, but it doesn't mean you must carry it all on your shoulders, family will love you and want to be there for you. You are such an artistic and creative person, you have such a strong interest in history. Not to mention how loyal and caring you are towards others. These are just a few of the things that make you an amazing person. As DaFlo says, 1 small change can go a long way. Break your routine and do something different, you have many passions. The worst you can do is wallow and do nothing, because then nothing will be fixed.

 

[Gera11]

Please, please. I want a single day in which I don't need to cry. This has become the worst year since I was 14 tbh, and nobody around me knows about it. Many times I've said that I don't want to surrender, I want to give a chance to my life, but on the other hand I don't want to suffer anymore and wish that a car run over me. I'm tired of being nothing for so many people, so invisible, of being such a loser. There are always people much nicer and clever than me, women much more beautiful than me, that I end up wondering... do I have anything special? Is someone gonna find something good in me, someone that will prefer me over the rest of the world? Nope. I'm here to waste my time. Eat, sleep, work, and make other people read my sh*t thoughts in a forum. If this is all I'm gonna do in my life, then I don't want this life. I didn't ask for it, so take it back once and for all.

You know what? Fuck everyone else. You are special. You are clever, beautiful, you have such a fabulous knowledge of history that I personally admire and you are deeply courageous to write here your thoughts ever so often, not many people can be so open about themselves like you do. You are not here to waste your time. Sure, there are people more beautiful, more clever, more special than any of us somewhere around this planet, but why should we compare ourselves to them? Fuck them. They didn't had our challenges, our memories, our luck, our ..everything. You should only focus on your personal progress. And yes, there can be progress! Why not? Just start with little things, even that helps. Imagine this was a story in a book. Wouldn't you want to know what happens next? Don't cut your story short because a person like you can achieve plenty. I believe in you

 

[Eulaliya]

Oh poor Olga I can only feel your pain as I sometimes experience the same situation as you. Instead of letting envy and other negative things overwhelm your thoughts, try to focus your assets and strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses. As Kai said, always hold close to you your passions and dreams, and never let go.

 

[RainyWoods]

I feel I understand all there that you've written about Olga, because i've experienced many of those feelings myself, and still often do. I told myself that 2018 was going to be my year, and with over half of it now gone, it still hasn't been. And i'm about to turn 28. I don't know much about you other than that you're a lovely intelligent person who is very kind and thoughtful of others, as well as having an amazing sense of humour and a beautiful smile. You've always been a nice person to me (even when I had my embarrassing WorldVision breakdown moment). If i've still got hope there for my life (which believe me is obscenely bad right now), then I know you can find some too, even if it seems hard. I admire you a lot for talking about yourself so openly here. I'm always nervous to, and never go anywhere near as deep as I could when I do.

One thing you can't do is compare yourself to others. I did that myself for so long and it messed me up bad. I thought (mainly due to bullies) during my teens and into early 20s that I was so ugly and a worthless freak. It took me a long time to build any kind of confidence up. I'm still a super awkward and goofy person, but i'm learning to embrace that. Like who cares? We're all different and what is beauty isn't set in stone, and anyone that tells you different is an asshat. A lot of it is about what's on the inside to begin with, and what's on the inside radiates on the outside. That's what's important. And besides that, the first thing I thought when I saw your picture here was "gosh, she's really gorgeous". You need to appreciate yourself and find your confidence. A thing i've noticed is that it's always the sweetest, most kind, intelligent and loving people that find themselves in these situations of doubt.

Olga, you've got to reach out to someone outside this forum. Maybe a member of your family or a good friend. We're here to help you but it's just not quite the same as having someone sitting next to you, though of course speaking to friends online can still be extremely beneficial (cause a couple here have helped me a lot in the past). This is a bad patch and I know you can do this. Lots of love and positive energy being sent your way from a person who has had a billion bad patches by now and is still here and twirling uncontrollably and ain't gonna stop! Go Olga!!! I believe in you. Things will get better. And there's someone out there for everyone. One day we'll each find our perfect man *continues to stalk Mikal Cronin's instagram page*.


Drop me a pm if ever you want to speak about anything. £87.59 per hour but special friend rate of £00.00 plus you get a free virtual hug (limited time offer: expires 2027).

 

[mauve]

Dear Olga, honestly, I have made through tough phases like you in my life. I am already older (had my youth in the 80's/90's), but when I was around your age, I doubted myself in MANY ways. I thought like you did. I never had what you would call "a best friend" with whom you can talk freely about your problems. But I admit, I had my parents and my brother who I love and admire dearly. Yet, there were always problems that I couldn't share with them because I was too frightened and felt small. But I never gave up. I found things I could love in life (books, music, painting). At least it helped me a little. And there will be always wonderful experiences in life when you think: "Thank god, I didn't give up." And Olga, you are still very young, there will be many unexpected happy things to come no matter how you may feel now. There were already beautiful posts above mine and please take them to your heart. You are a wonderful person! And as others said, don't compare yourself to other people because imagine if everyone would be the same. And I am pretty certain, once you will meet a great person who understands you and excepts you as you are, you will be happy.
You are not alone, whenever you feel like talking, we are here!

 

[Ausesken]

Thank you all for your nice words. I know you are right, me myself have a lot of moments of optimism and high self-esteem, but then suddenly (especially in the nights) everything is bad, everything is wrong, and I'm no one, etc. Perhaps you think I write here only to get nice comments, but actually it is because I feel it's the only place I can vent and because I know many people here understand what's in my mind in these moments, while usually people around me just say I'm exaggerating and don't pay too much attention to what I say. In the end when I see these reactions I stop talking to them about my feelings. Why? Just to hear that what I say is stupid, or insinuations that I'm losing my mind, or that 'we all have bad moments and yet go on'? And I think the least I need is to be judged, thank you. When my brother had depression my dad directly got very angry with him and insulted him, so I have to keep in secret that I have a kind of depression too, and perhaps that's why I usually fall apart in the nights, as it's the only time I can 'hide' of everybody. And my poor best friend tries to help, but he doesn't know what to say or what to do, he is a rather cold person and doesn't understand feelings very much, and much less if they are those of a too sentimental girl. I don't blame him; sometimes I can't understand men either.

 

[Himan]

women though

No, but lets be serious. Almost everyone sometimes have those feelings, even a 'cold man' like me. Almost everybody has bad phases and it's very hard to talk about it. So if you are talking about that and show your feelings to anybody, you're at least trying to solve stuff. And also don't be afraid to show yourself to your parents. They should be the first ones who love you. And you are an adult right now, and have some smart thoughts for yourself and probably can survive for yourself, cause you are working a lot. If they are good parents(a bit like you ) They will accept what you have to say, also about your brother, maybe your relationship gets better. And yes, this is very hard, I just had such a talk for the first time in 6 years. You never want to have the feeling to 'fall off' your parents. But it actually shows they have raised you well, cause now you can think for yourself.

 

[MyHeartIsYours]

Sometimes there are days when you feel inadequate and sometimes there are days when you feel you're doing fine. I think at the end of the day some people are doing better than you, other people are doing worse than you, most people are somewhere in the middle and the main thing is having your health, happiness and a few people you can trust.

 

[Eulaliya]

I have just become more and more of a nervous wreck after my younger sister's continuous invasion of my privacy - which is my greatest pet peeve - have gotten the better of me. She claims it's part of sisterhood, I say that it's abuse of privacy. For that, I feel mentally and emotionally violated and have become more suspicious of my sister's actions even more.
My autism wouldn't stand a chance against the neurotypical ideals of my family and relatives - my antics have become more of a burden to them than a tolerable thing. It would be better for them to leave me alone and tolerate me, but I'm afraid they would stifle my eclectic ideas and actions even further and mold me further to become more of a robotic part of their family (remember the North Koreans who are brainwashed by propaganda?). For that, sometimes I wish God would take me away, but all I could do was to endure.

 

[RainyWoods]

I feel kind of low today but I need to make like this dog here and just turn things around.

It is hard though sometimes. I keep thinking about my birthday that's coming up. 28. Another year gone and i'm still in this weird bubble. My health hasn't improved, both mentally and physically, and my situation is still the same. With age i'm getting wiser and i've never been more in touch with who I am than at this moment.. but then who I am is a greatly flawed person, filled with just as much hate as there is love. I just keep one part very well contained (miraculous really). To make any kind of change i've got to make a push beyond any push i've ever made before, and lose this really weird self pride and fear of judgement I have that stops me from taking any hands of help that are there. I need to turn "I can't" into "I can". The more and more I think about the situation i'm in it's bizarre. There was just a moment in my life where everything got sucked out from me, and getting it back has been hard, and i'm still a work in progress. At the same time though I feel i'm getting somewhere at least. I'm still a mess and everything is the same, but for the first time I feel like if I can get out of this whole palaver, I could be a darn decent person and make someone really happy. I think ultimately that is what life is about. Finding yourself. Finding someone. Finding happiness. Everyone has different journeys and we shouldn't be ashamed of the paths we've had to walk down to reach our destinations. The tougher the road, the juicer the riches even. I know when I finally get what i'm seeking from life that it's going to be sublime, and i'll have a very different level of appreciation for it because of what i've been through. I'm so hungry for it and I think that actually makes me sort of lucky. It is admittedly really, really tough though. I just want to be happy and well. I hope I can get there soon, and give something to this world or at very least, someone. I cook a mean jacket potato and am great at massages (got my cats approval).

#DeepStuff

 

[JSSArcos]

Very happyyyyyy !!!

I'm going now to a music festival !

 

[mauve]

Very happyyyyyy !!!

I'm going now to a music festival !

Tell us which one and how it was when you are back! Have fun!

 

[JSSArcos]

Tell us which one and how it was when you are back! Have fun!

I'm happy but very tired now .

I arrived home a few minutes ago, the festival is 20 km from my grandparents' house .

The Festival is called Vodafone Paredes de Coura 2018 ! It is one of the most popular festivals in Portugal (maybe the 2 or 3) .They must pass through the festival around the 100 thousand people.

The festival is more of rock, to the end of the night more electronic,I saw it today CONAN OSIRIS,GRANDFATHER'S HOUSE,KING GIZZARD & THE LIZARD WIZARD,LINDA MARTINI,MARLON WILLIAMS,THE BLAZE.

*red = portuguese band

I'm going again to the festival on the 18th, mainly see Arcade Fire

*Today's Linda Martini Concert Photo (21:20) I was very close to the stage, so it's hard to know myself

 

[RainyWoods]

[MENTION=15700]JSSArcos[/MENTION] Woah that lineup looks great Glad you had fun. I absolutely love Big Thief (I had them in a WorldVision NF actually a while back), and Kevin Morby + King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard are awesome too. See Big Thief perform if you can fit them in without missing Arcade Fire, Joao. I think you'd enjoy them.

Here are my two faves by them:

 

[mauve]

I'm happy but very tired now .

I arrived home a few minutes ago, the festival is 20 km from my grandparents' house .

The Festival is called Vodafone Paredes de Coura 2018 ! It is one of the most popular festivals in Portugal (maybe the 2 or 3) .They must pass through the festival around the 100 thousand people.

The festival is more of rock, to the end of the night more electronic,I saw it today CONAN OSIRIS,GRANDFATHER'S HOUSE,KING GIZZARD & THE LIZARD WIZARD,LINDA MARTINI,MARLON WILLIAMS,THE BLAZE.

*red = portuguese band

I'm going again to the festival on the 18th, mainly see Arcade Fire

*Today's Linda Martini Concert Photo (21:20) I was very close to the stage, so it's hard to know myself

Sounds like it was huge fun! xrockout Arcade fire was here in Berlin a few days ago actually! Great band, fantastic music! I will be at another concert next week myserlf. Can't wait, since it has been a while since I was at a concert! Enjoy Arcade Fire on the weekend!

 

[mauve]

Didn't know where to put it, but the Soul legend Aretha Franklin died. Rest in peace, Aretha!

 

[Ausesken]

These days I've felt much better because I've slept more, I've done more exercise, I'm more confident I can get over my depression and find happiness in small things of life (I swear I'm thinking it)

my 'readers':
Olga is in a good mood today wow

Bets: when will be the next time I tell you I'm falling apart? xshifty I'm seriously thinking I must have bipolarity, but is it temporary or it will be like this forever? I wasn't this moody before.

 

[Eulaliya]

I'm so excited today because my fave local band IV of Spades will be finally performing in my city after yesterday's delay! You know, that delay is caused by cancelled/delayed flights at NAIA (Ninoy Aquino International Airport), so my pity goes out to the affected passengers.
And today is the final day of the festivities in my city, so I'll be enjoying the rest!

 

[DenizESC]

I keep writing books here and delete it just before I post it each time, it happened just now as well and this must have been like the 10th time.
I always tell people I'm an open book and also tell that to myself but I'm not really sure if I am anymore if I overthink all this stuff so much...People recently or in the past have judged me greatly for a lot of things like my actions, decisions etc. Judging people without knowing their story especially is the one thing now that I would never do.
Guess I'm still very much scared to be judged myself though...