How do you feel?

[DenizESC]

Guys I really need help, it's weird but there is to me no safe space at all like this forum

There's this friend of mine that really gets me bald spaces spontaneously on my head with his behaviour tbh and other days we're having the best days ever, complete euphoria and we click completely.

I've been there for him forever and he really went through tough times, he always came for me for advice and support and I've always been supportive of him and told him I accept him even if no one else does as he had issues at home, we did everything together for forever, he's also been there for me always and supported me (kinda)

But lately especially he's been really moody and switches really all the time. It's crazy, and it's not an in your face immediately, he says something shallow and is completely negative all the time and gets annoyed that I'm optimistic about everything, then I legit just tell him I don't like to hear things like that and then he just goes off and screams angrily at me and we argue(in those arguments he really calls me DISGUSTING things), bcs I don't like arguing with ppl I love it's hard to me and I just ignore him for weeks, that pisses him off as well and recently I heard he's spreading weird rumours about me so my other friends don't talk to me anymore. He doesn't talk to those people at all either so one just told me straight up as he barely knew him and wanted me to know, he just doesn't want me to talk to them if I ignore him and acts childish and jealous asking if I replaced him or etc.

Mind you, he is from a country that's normally I guess supposed to be 'enemies' with someone Turkish but this had never been a problem until recently now that he started to get into politics, he has far-right views and thinks for example muslims being in camps in China is good. And he thinks in Srebrenica, we should care about Serbian perspective too. I know, crazy and scary but I know this guy for years and know his intentions are not bad even if it is hard to believe now, he is just confused and angry at certain people and this is a coping mechanism. Lately though even though he knows I'm an atheist he still calls me names when angry and/or classifies me in a group called 'garbage humans'.

The line was crossed though when recently he was talking about my family when angry at me, my mother out of all. And Idk but when I hear someone talk so disgusting and gross like he did about my MOTHER out of all people that really wakes a monster inside of me. I don't even want to say anything about that, it pisses me off thinking about it.


It is just hard. I knew this person forever, we grew up together, did everything together, but tbh I can't take the stress of another fight breaking out or the feeling after he ruins my day. I keep trying to tell him why his attitude is just wrong and why I don't think it's right to talk like that or to at least not talk to me about such things. But he has 0 growth and tells me who else is he going to share his mind with other than his closest friend... .-.

Lately he apologized a lot and said he didnt know it hurt me that much (?!) To me it was a half-ass apology tbh. His story is not mine to tell so I didn't include much of that, but lately I know he's going through extra, really hard times. I know this person needs me and I just feel like I can't ditch him now just because he's doing bad mentally. Gosh, he's toxic though, really really really toxic, racist, discriminatory, offensive and controlling, yet I know there's more to him than that he has been showing. Pls help me escunited with ur advice or I will be bald before my bday this month the 21st and no I ain't on the peak years of 75 yet.

 

[DenizESC]

#rantingsundays

I went off again on the iconic, how do you feel thread. No joke this thread and forum is better than a psychologist and basically all friends I know of. Ain't no place else I can speak my mind like this with 0 judgement love y'all

 

[Ausesken]

[MENTION=13974]DenizESC[/MENTION] it doesn't look good imo. It's true that we all act like toxic, jealous and negative people some time in our life, and whoever dies without having had this attitude, congratulations for being perfect, but most people are not perfect. However, this doesn't mean we ARE toxic, jealous and negative. In Spanish it's not the same saying "estar celoso" (being jealous at a given moment, but doesn't necessarily mean your character can be described as 'jealous') than "ser celoso" (when you show constantly jealousy, it means it's part of your character, so you are properly a jealous person). It could be he's going through tough moments and this could explain some reactions, but: 1. I think making others stop talking to you is not something a true friend would do, and most important 2. A true friend is never disrespectful towards you and much less your family, at least not seriously. When respect is gone, it's not even worth trying to fix it, Deniz. The issue of his political ideology depends exclusively on how open you are to befriend far-right people and hear their stupid ideas. In my life I'm surrounded by several people of far-right ideology (not that I've chosen it, but it's where I was born) and they are not necessarily bad people, but they do they tend to be toxic people because they are not capable of hearing other people's opinions without getting angry, so I guess they are the same in every aspect of their life.

 

[Brandt]

I legit just tell him I don't like to hear things like that and then he just goes off and screams angrily at me and we argue(in those arguments he really calls me DISGUSTING things), bcs I don't like arguing with ppl I love it's hard to me and I just ignore him for weeks, that pisses him off as well and recently I heard he's spreading weird rumours about me so my other friends don't talk to me anymore. He doesn't talk to those people at all either so one just told me straight up as he barely knew him and wanted me to know, he just doesn't want me to talk to them if I ignore him and acts childish and jealous asking if I replaced him or etc.

Mind you, he is from a country that's normally I guess supposed to be 'enemies' with someone Turkish but this had never been a problem until recently now that he started to get into politics, he has far-right views and thinks for example muslims being in camps in China is good. And he thinks in Srebrenica, we should care about Serbian perspective too. I know, crazy and scary but I know this guy for years and know his intentions are not bad even if it is hard to believe now, he is just confused and angry at certain people and this is a coping mechanism. Lately though even though he knows I'm an atheist he still calls me names when angry and/or classifies me in a group called 'garbage humans'.

Sometimes people have social or inner issues, so their self to outside world and close friends differs significantly. If it is the case that they are horrible people outside but really well behaved and sincere when it's your time, it is only reasonable to accept them the way they are, as there may be several reasons behind this, and it is not fair to judge people for that. But this case seems like he is a total douchebag in both cases. Accused of being things that make you uncomfortable is never reasonable or tolerable, especially if it is an ongoing issue of communication between you two. The way of him thinking it is OK to humaliate you will not likely chance unless you express some obvious and stern attitude toward him. I don't know his age, but you claim he has been recently into politics and it is simultaneously that he is changing his attitude if I am not mistaken. That pretty much screams he is shaping up his personality, and what I think is he is not becoming the person you actually like for all those years.

That, of course, is judged without the perspective of his own aspect. People often go through difficult times, and he might actually not aware of how to express his anger or frustration. If you care about him (which appears to me you sincerely do), I would suggest you to approach him in different ways to see if there is something he is unable to express properly, or maybe something he is not even aware of himself. My first solution in your situation would be trying to unlock him and make him talk through whatever is going on in his mind without insulting/attacking/raging. If he compromises, that only leads to good. But if he keeps going on with his unacceptable attitude despite of all your attempts and keeps bringing you down after everything you at least try to do for him, it would be only beneficial for you to leave him behind until he understands what he did wrong. If he ever understands and feels sorry, then he would deserve your company.

But all in all, going silent or forgiving without a solid reason over his insults and unnacceptable behaviour is never a solution to anything. Either solve it if you think he deserves the time and energy you spend, or leave it.

 

[Ausesken]

I feel it's time to give some people the treatment they deserve.

 

[Fierro]

I feel it's time to give some people the treatment they deserve.

You shouldn't ever wait with that or may become a victim. Although with relatives it can be much harder (they sometimes use me because I'm nephew of their sister's husband etc lol).

And now to topic. Does ambient music make you depressive?
Because there's one track that I discovered one or two days ago that gets me into deep depression when I hear it. Not kind of 'moody' state but much worse - feeling of helplessness, tortured soul, constant sorrow, like living in dystopian world.. This track is not meant to be like that but I often find myself feeling such things with some ambient-electro stuff, especially in movies.

 

[DutchSuomiFan]

It's been about a year ago since i posted in this thread so here we go again.

Last year, i felt very lonely during Christmas because my relatives barely talked to me when we were together during Christmas, like i said in this thread a year ago. The situation took me to a mental boiling point where i said to myself 'i'm not having this any longer, something MUST change'. So my family got told that i hate it when they don't talk to me during Christmas. They didn't expect me to say something like that because they thought everything was OK. The situation even got to a point where i made myself think 'maybe i shouldn't have contact with my relatives anymore'. But then i thought to myself, what am I doing to keep the contact going? Basically nothing. So i started to message them, and i realized it wasn't worth it to stop the contact. This Christmas went really well. I had some really good conversations with my relatives (and some really good food).

There will be some nice things happening next year. I'm going to my beloved Finland for holidays! Really looking forward to that .

 

[Ausesken]

I feel bad. It’s not nice seeing your family falling apart.

 

[ESC94]

I´m feeling absolutely amazing since I´m able to get into the forum again!!

 

[Leydan]

testing 123.

 

[Ausesken]

testing 123.

I know such a deep feeling...

 

[Leydan]

I know such a deep feeling...

Well for some reason my posts were getting hidden and needing approval. Also I can't like.

 

[Sean]

I have a big symbol of my power here under my avatar so yeah pretty good. Bow down

 

[Leydan]

TBH, I'm not in a great place atm. I've been following closely what's happening in Australia as i'm sure you're all well aware about and it's just awful to watch. Yeah the loss of peoples homes is sad for sure, but I'm paying more attention to the damage it's doing to the wildlife there. I guess it's not good for me if it's been upsetting me but i've reading a lot of reports about all the wild animals there and rescue attempts and ones with horrible burns etc, then i'm seeing it all over TVs. Earlier today there was a video report of a woman who had to flee her house as the fires approach and lost everything but the haunting part of it was that she said as she left with her family all she could hear was the screams all around her from the wild animals that were trapped and being burnt to death. I've seen others of the fires sweeping in within seconds, they don't stand a chance. It's heart breaking to see and read about it and then know there is essentially nothing you can do about it, I've donated to charities there to do what I can but it's just horrible seeing it all happen and see that Koalas are now at risk of becoming extinct because of it and close to a billion wild animals have been killed with entire ecosystems wiped out. I wasn't really going to say anything about it, but it's been sitting in my mind so much.

 

[Brandt]

I got my long awaited game today and I chose my starter.

 

[Eulaliya]

Today is my worst day in 2020 so far, for I've felt like blaming myself for all the mistakes I have done in this new year. This feels like questioning my sanity, how my worst habits have never been changed for the better (e.g. jumping to conclusions like in my last WV post). I felt like shutting myself into my room, never to get out except for eating.

I'm sorry 2020, I have failed myself as a person so miserably. I know I'm trying my best, but do they really matter to my happiness?

 

[Gera11]

Frigging tired. I'm doing an internship at the courthouse for two weeks as it's a mandatory "subject" in uni. These people think I am here to do all their work/ their jobs.

 

[ESC94]

@Gera11

You´re not the only tired person in this forum, I must be careful not to crash with my head on my table.

 

[Charly]

half way trhough the hell of exams,

2 done and mashed pretty happy with

Oh welp, another exam today, another tomorrow and I'm free to celebrate with a bottle of Belvedere in Krakow

 

[mauve]

It's really me, almost after 6 monthes posting here again. So many things happened like moving (it was real torture), caring for my mom (she's doing well), and now my dad becoming weaker and weaker everyday. He turned 91 this past year, but I am constantly busy caring about both now. My dad will go to the doctor tomorrow to check out what is wrong. I was so exhausted with many things these past monthes that I simply didn't have the strength to write here. But I miss you guys and hope to be here more often agai. Need also to inform myself what happened to the ESCworld so far. Until soon!