Every year our “Expert” Panel comes together to judge all entries for the Eurovision Song Contest and they’re back to take apart the 2013 entries and rank them accordingly. While their characters and comments may be wacky, the scores are dead serious. All 13 panelists will comment on the song and rank them accordingly giving it points using a scale from five to zero. At the end you’ll also get to cast your vote in the poll. If you would learn more about the panelists and to discuss the show, join us on our Forum HERE

Let’s have a look at the current scoreboard:

ZZZRanking

 

Romania is going to be the panel’s next target. After a nailbiter in the NF, Cezar ended up victorious with his song “It’s my life”. It has garnered a decent amount of attention to it it’s operatic falsetto style, let’s find out if our pros liked it or not.

[vsw id=”8pNEEb6dzi8″ source=”youtube” width=”425″ height=”344″ autoplay=”yes”]

 

 

 

5 Points

King Valentino XVIII have a sweat beak for fantaaaabulously eurotrashy entries and this is just the crème de la crème my fans.. and what makes this stand out from other pieces of trash is Cezar’s incredible high a pitch vocals. “It’s my life” he declares over deliciously naff dubstep beats. The song is a excitant and manages to keep the listener interested from start to finish but the highlight has got to be the songs bridge. If pleasures be guilty, this be it my friends! I tell a you. I would liiike to meet Cezar. He seem a nice man. Please give my special greetings to him and all Romanians.

 

 

4 Points

 NONE

 

 

3 Points

Glittery S BobI have mixed feelings about this one. Even I don’t like mixing opera with pop music, this sounds at least decent. One thing I’m sure: this could be easily in top 10, but also could go somewhere in the bottom, it depends on the live performance.

 

 

 

 

2 Points

 NONE

 

1 Point

 

MorenikWhat are you doing there!? Stop reading these reviews and call 112, get an ambulance quick! This man is clearly mortally wounded and describing what he’s seeing as his life flashes before his eyes! Oh the screams of pain, he shouldn’t have eaten my Swedish meatballs! A double tragedy, his singing is terrible, as is his demise!

 

 

Grandpa WatermanIt looked very promising at the start then Opera kicked in which was disgraceful as this was taking a joke of us Old People!

 

 

 

0 Points

 

RobertA very cheap and disastrous song from Romania this year. I dislike every note and every sound of this composition. Can’t realize why it was necessary to use classic opera vocal abilities of Cesar in such incomprehensible song, I think it made song to look cheaper. One of the weakest ones of this year. Costumes of the singer and dancers look very strange. I can notice that such kind of clothes were popular in my circus several years ago. Who knows maybe Cesar and his team took them from the Romanian circus?!

 

Barb E Dahl

I think somebody ate his testicles, ewwww gross. Is that how people in Romania sing or does he have to pee and just can barely make it through the song? You know when you really have to go and you just can’t leave yet and you make these desperate sounds trying to control your bladder. I think that is what’s happening here. Cezar sings it’s my
life but it’s also my ears and the background music is something I’d expect in a soft porn movie.

 

 

Dark MasterBloody hell, what on Earth is this? It is shockingly atrocious. And to think that I enjoy opera… Not even too many detentions and cruciatus curses will fix this. The falsetto comes across too much, not to mention the dubstep – like mixing salt with bananas. It comes to my attention that Romania will not be seeing the final this year. Anyone who will help this fiasco to qualify, will be punished and forced to listen to the worst Eurovision songs from dusk till dawn.

 

Eau d'yre  LizzyEau: Oh Liz… you have to promise me one thing dear. Should I ever declare that I enjoy the Romanian entry, then please, do take me to a hospital on the European continent where they perform euthanasia. Or at least have me locked up in a psychiatric institute. I don’t think I would want to live anymore. The thought of me, a woman of impeccable model rectitude, liking this kind of ‘music’ is just unbearable to me. Liz: I don’t know what to say Eau….Is it really that bad? At least the gentleman… (to be continued)

 

Petronella PoetryWhat the hell is this? This feels even more random than something from “Swiss”. Horrible. Not even close to adorable.

 

 

 

Scotty Too HottyCezar has an incredible voice and such an amazing range –no-one can deny him that. I’m mesmerised by him and I can honestly say I’venever seen anything like it, even in the local drag bars! However, I can’tstand it at the same time because it baffles me. Is it really natural? Willthis do well – Probably not but good on him for showing off his talents! Theactually dance tune in the background is pretty funky but it’s just. So. Weird.

 

Alex ChandhokCezar is a male opera singer who sings with a female soprano voice while having a trance backing track. So it’s a kind of popera with dubstep elements. It’s all terrible. It’s tacky, completely barmy and I have no wish to listen to it again. The chorus is just completely laughable, and even though he is taking it deadly seriously, I just can’t help but facepalm while laughing uncontrollably. Romania have a 100% qualification record. Say goodbye to that. Utter trash with no good points whatsoever.

 

Britni SpirsovicWhen I was a little girl my grandma told me, I should keep my mouth shut if I don’t have anything good to say. I shall practice this tradition passed down from centuries of Spirsović family line. If I say this entry is good, I lie. If I say I find anything commendable, I lie. If I say I like his voice, I lie. So why lie, you know?

 

Emma MagnusonMin Gud! Help! They never told me that I was going to be under torture listening to such horrible things. It will take a week for my ears to recover from this horror. I can’t stand listening to this again in Malmö. What will I do for that? Hmm, let me think… What about adding the name of this man in the stop list, so he can never enter Sweden? That’s a great idea! I will save Europe from going under this torture to listen to this disgusting noise.

 

 

Current Score: 10

 

Now it’s your turn, go to our Forum HERE and vote in the poll.

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5 Comments

  1. Roy van der Merwe

    March 23, 2013 at 13:24

    Surprised to see this last on most fan rankings. Itis not brilliant but it is nice

  2. Zack

    March 23, 2013 at 13:52

    The operatic tricks do cheapen it! Well said expert jury!

  3. rajo

    March 23, 2013 at 15:19

    I bet my testicles that Barb-E Dahl is A-lister

  4. guitaristbl

    March 25, 2013 at 21:32

    This is not the worst song in this year’s competition in my opinion..But it definately one of the weakest ones. Popera has been executed better from Sweden in 2009 and it did not work either..Romania may stay in the semis for the first time this year..

  5. Zack

    March 27, 2013 at 04:45

    Hahah, i just realized half of the total points for this song came from the Duck! 😀 I can’t be too mad at the duck though. I just watched Disney’s Ugly Duckling and it made me cry…

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