All opinions expressed in this article are those of the person quoted and do not necessarily represent the opinions of the other team members or ESC United as a whole.
As the saying goes, they saved the best for last. That is certainly true for Eurovision national selections, as Portugal’s beloved Festival da Canção is usual amongst the very last of the season.
Various members of the ESC United team have reviewed hundreds of national selection entries this season, and though snarky words have been uttered at some, it is a discussion we have enjoyed having and we hope you have too.
For the Portuguese selection, we have assembled four barely qualified yokels to cast aspersions on the hopes and dreams on one nation’s singers, songwriters and performers.
For Festival da Canção, Tyler Griffith from New Mexico, James Maude from California, Boris Meersman from Belgium, and David Popescu from Denmark have reviewed each Semi-Final, and collectively, we will anoint an artist we feel is worthy to represent Portugal at Eurovision 2024. Since we rarely get the winner right, we at least hope it is scant consolation for our nominee.
But I hope the nominee knows that all four of our panelists enjoy this particular national selection, and despite never accurately nailing exactly what “fado” is, we appreciate it when we hear it.
We have already reviewed Semi-Final 1, and in order of appearance at the Festival da Canção’s Semi-Final 2, here are our reviews. The rankings will be listed at the end of this article.
Buba Espinho – “O farol”
Boris – 5 – “A tribute from a son to his father. I’m not going to snark that. As a song though, “O farol” is firmly esconced within “exists and doesn’t offend” territory, and is hard to get excited about.”
David – 2 – “I’ve just got nothing. Sure, I can see how beautiful this song would be, if I was in a very lovely setting by the Mediterranean and all… but I ain’t, so… yeah.”
James – 7.5 – “A beautiful, sincere piano ballad and dedication to Bebo’s father. Sometimes these can go horrendously wrong in execution (see The Netherlands’ entry this year), but “O farol” is a thoughtful tribute to a man Bebo respected and loved. Of course this contemplative yet sunny number will not lend itself to a staging that will blow us away, but it does fill even a cold heart with warmth for its three minute run time and that’s not nothing.”
Tyler – 5.5 – “”O farol” was nice! Not amazing, but it’s a pleasant enough sounding fado lite. It gives a good impression upon first listen, but then after the performance is over, I’m sure I’ll go back to thinking about my current favorites in this selection. I get opening scene from “Up” vibes from the score here. Not a bad thing, just got me in a certain mood while listening to this. I think this song is nice, and that Buba sings the song well, but I’m not inspired enough to think more highly of it. Wouldn’t be disappointed if it died in the semi-final.”
Total: 20.0
Average: 5.0
Cristina Clara – “Primavera”
Boris – 5 – “There are a few interesting elements going on in Primavera’s instrumentation (the chimes, the structure) but for the most part the song leaves me cold. It’s one of those entries that hopes to bank on its creativity and anti-pop ideas to get by in the jury vote. The problem with deliberately challenging pop tropes however, is that it sometimes results in a song that it lacks a catchy hook or a clear refrain or a climax, and therefore doesn’t leave much of an impact. “Primavera” plugs the hole with a radio-voiced spoken word break, and that doesn’t work quite as well.”
David – 2 – “Cute… I guess? Not exactly how I would imagine spring, but it’s something, right? Sorry, I just don’t know.”
James – 7 – “This definitely sounds like spring! It’s unusual as it’s slow, has cryptic lyrics with seasonal imagery, and has a random spoken word bit. But it is a rewarding, charming listen, even if you worry it may get lost in the shuffle.”
Tyler – 7.5 – “This song is another very interesting entry to me. I hear nature sounds in here (the ocean maybe? Rustling grasses in a field?), and while I think Cristina sounds nice, the lyrics get a bit lost to me. I liked the break into spoken word as that didn’t feel pretentious to me and added to the atmosphere of “Primavera”. I liked this a lot, I hope the live performance is great and makes people a fan!”
Total: 21.5
Average: 5.375
Leo Middea – “Doce mistério”
Boris – 7.5 – “DAIÊ DAIÁ. Once you realize Leo is from Brazil, all pieces about “Doce mistério” come together – the softer inflection, the samba rhythms, the whimsical tones – this entry is like excerpt of a Carioca Street Festival, and its inclusion in this line-up feels like RTP wanting an entry that represents Portugal’s growing Brazilian immigrant population. “Doce mistério” itself is fairly good – builds up well, catchy rhythms, pleasant to listen to. I struggle getting attached to it though – it kind of lacks the signature Unique Selling Point of successful Eurovision entries beyond “He’s from Brazil, innit” and I don’t really see a future for it at FdC either. So long as Portuguese and Brazilians struggle to settle their differences, I don’t think we’re ready for a Brazilian representing Portugal at Eurovision.”
David – 5 – “This creates such a carnival on the promenade vibe for me. I’m just getting these Brazil vibes from this. It’s fun and actually quite sweet. No, it’s no really me, but it’s hard not to smile with something like this in the background. Very inoffensive and simplistic, but in a good way.”
James – 9 – “Despite the heavy handed Brazilian touches and references (e.g. the horns, the rhythm, the reference to the classic Caetano Valero album “Bicho”), “Doce misterio” is pleasant easy listening and a chill vibe. Whether it makes a viable Eurovision entry remains to be seen, as this sounds more at home in the New World than among the crap novelty songs and trash-EDM starting to pile up in Malmo.”
Tyler – 6 – “”Doce mistério” is good listening! It’s certainly upbeat and not something I’d hear over here in the States. I love the instrumentation and all of the horns in here. It makes the song seem more fun for sure. It’s got a cultural flair to it that I’d like to see at Eurovision, but there have been other Portuguese songs that have that je ne sais quoi to them that makes Europe want to vote for it. With this song? I’m not sure if that’s the case. I like the song, but I’m not IN love with it.”
Total: 27.5
Average: 6.875
Filipa – “You Can’t Hide”
Boris – 9 – “It is unreasonably hilarious that “You can’t hide” found its way into FdC, so an unreasonably high score is in order to celebrate its presence. Yeah, “You can’t hide” is femmetrash, and surprisingly good for it too. A lot of these female empowerment anthems kind of lack actual strength and come across as self-aggrandizing, which is a smutty canvas the narcissistic gays (me) can project themselves onto. “You can’t hide” is MENACING, like a leopard stalking an injured impala, reading to pounce for the killing blow. I’m pretty sure it won’t work in FdC and that Portugal will cast it aside. But it’s a good composition and a distinctly anti-meta choice for Portugal that I could see stand out in the first semi if it somehow wins the bid for Eurovision.”
David – 4 – “Oh baby, there’s no way I would hide from this! This psycho, is more than happy to accept the nightmares you can create. On the other hand, it doesn’t really create them either. Lyrically, I hoped so much more, for a song with this intense sound, and even more vocally as well. It’s all very down low, and my hopes of a true nightmare, just becomes a tame dream.”
James – 9 – “This is hilarious femme fatale pop that you don’t really hear any more. A catchy vocal hook and low bass notes rumble, like Filipa is a jaguar about to sink its teeth into an anaconda. This song is both seductive and sinister, and commits fully to this concept lyrically and musically. There is no big flash or wow moment, as it’s not needed. Most just need to pray they have not sinned and the three minutes pass without violent reprisal.”
Tyler – 6.5 – “Y’all, this entry is fine. It isn’t amazing, but it’s acceptable. “You Can’t Hide” seems like it’s background music for “The Traitors”, which I guess good job on capturing the zeitgeist but also renew Os Traidores (hosted by Daniela Ruah!) for another season you cowards! Honestly, I don’t think this song will be good live as what makes this song good is in the editing, but we’ll see! I was going to give this a lower score, but since I made that cultural realization, this gets a slight bump. Congrats!”
Total: 28.5
Average: 7.125
João Couto – “Quarto para um”
Boris – 6 – “This is fine. I always feel a bit uneasy whenever I hear autotune in FdC songs because that often heralds the arrival of live trainwreck. Otherwise, my gripe with “Quarto para um” is that it plays it a bit too safe and too mid to qualify as a song I’d want to give multiple listens to, despite being reasonably uptempo and upbeat. The clarion of white noise introducing the middle-eight is also something it could do without.”
David – 4 – “Alright, a song with some attitude and personality. The song becomes interesting and energetic and it works, but it might stay a bit too long on the same pace, and then the interest slowly fades away. It does leave an impression, but not that much of an impression. Could’ve hoped for more, since vocally and lyrically, it ain’t really much.”
James – 6 – “For a song that translates to “Room for One,” and all the attendant emotions that go with that, it is a fun, chipper song. It’s not particularly distinctive, but it’s vibe for three minutes. With a clever stage concept, this could be a cult favorite. But it could also get lost in the shuffle if they don’t do anything stage-wise.”
Tyler – 7.5 – “João C. is good! I find the vocals in the MV to be too synthetic (sounds like a lot of autotune is going on here), but I like the instrumentation and beat here. It’s got some a light synthwave to it that I enjoy, and it was much needed after the beginning when I wasn’t feeling this song. A bit of a rocky start, but I think “Quarto para um” could be a fun performance to see live and would be a hidden treat for the FdC viewers. It’s good here, I’d just make some modifications to make it even better.”
Total: 23.5
Average: 5.875
Huca – “Pé de choro”
Boris – 7.5 – “I understand this is a Sara Tavares tribute? I think she would be pleased with this one. Pé de choro manages to blend uptempo celebratory sounds with a dramatic piano undertone and high-pitched vocals that evoke sadness and pain, which makes it an effective eulogy for the most skilled vocalists Portugal ever sent to Eurovision. My concern though is that the falsetto’s Huca goes for are a bit ambitious – he already struggles to hit them in the studio cut and a bad falsetto can quickly upend a touching tribute into caterwauling territory.”
David – 3 – “What a voice! What a shame as well, that it takes nearly half of the song to kick in. It’s gets to that interesting bit and seems very happy and joyful, despite that’s not what it aims for, if my rusty Portuguese is correct, and my care for the song just doesn’t last that long. Damn, also, if he can hold that vocal, damn! How I wanted so much more from this.”
James – 8 – “The first third reminds me of Kesha’s “Praying,” having similar piano and female backing vocals, but then it switches up to more a West African sound (appropriate, since this is a tribute to the late, great and gone too soon Sara Tavares).”
Tyler – 7.5 – “At the beginning of “Pé de choro”, I was intrigued, but not that curious to keep listening to the song. But then the chorus kicked in, and I immediately thought back to an entry from last year’s FdC, “Sapatos de cimento”. There’s a nice blend of tropical sounds here that is very refreshing to listen to. I don’t care for Huca’s vocals here at time since it sounds like they’re straining to hit and sustain the notes. Excited to see this live!”
Total: 26.0
Average: 6.5
No Maka feat. Ana Maria – “Aceitar”
Boris – 7.5 – “As a song, “Aceitar” is not the most exciting offering around. It follows a fairly standard ballad structure. The point of interest for me is that it’s not arranged as a ballad, but as a midtempo pop song. The end result is easy listening, which pretty enjoyable on its own – However, “Aceitar” would pop off more if it actually started as a ballad and then transitioned into a pop song. The lack of an evolution cushions the impact a bit, but overall far from a bad effort.”
David – 3 – “It’s kinda neat that we have some more modern and a more recognizable sound from Portugal, considering how rare that can be. It’s a sweet vibing song, but it just mostly remains the same throughout the song, barely changing, when you feel like it could reach so much further. Yea, I expected more.”
James – 7 – “This is the entry that is most accessible to a non-Portuguese audience. It’s a gentle, mid-tempo pop song and the vocalist’s style is trendy. Whether Portugal wants something modern yet mid or local and distinctive will inform this song’s chances.”
Tyler – 6.5 – “”Aceitar” is a pleasant song to listen to! I like the vocals from (presumably) Ana Maria and the beat is nice. It’s lovely and sweet, but it doesn’t have a bite to it that makes it a standout favorite for me. This is a song I’ll see performed live, go “this is nice!” and then possibly forget to vote for it (if I was Portuguese of course) and won’t be outraged if it fails to qualify. A nice entry, but I’m not wowed by it.”
Total: 24.5
Average: 6.125
Maria João – “Dia”
Boris – 9.5 – “This kooky karnaval owns my heart. It is so, SO weird in the best way possible? The harmonies, the trance, the build-up, the correct use of a falsetto, the English AND Tsonga phrases, the wind chimes, her age. “Dia”shouldn’t sound melodious and yet, it does. Dia, Diiia, DIAAAAAAAAAAAAA. “Dia” is 100% a piece and not a song. I don’t care. “Dia” is 100% unsuited for Eurovision. I don’t care. “Dia” is 100% going to slap live. I’m seated for it. It’s gonna be a WILD ride.”
David – 1 – “What a dreadful and annoying introduction to the Tsonga language. It’s already a horrible mix of 3 different languages, but with the constant vocal change from very light to deep, really sets me off. Absolutely not my style, absolutely not willing to hear this and absolutely can’t find the compliments for this… song?”
James – 10 – “We have Tsonga, a language from South Africa’s Northern KwaZulu-Natal and Southern Mozambique! Should this avant-garde jazz electronica hybrid, like Bjork doing a Mozambique concept album, somehow make Eurovision, I will be championing it and flying the South African flag. Outside of the use of Tsonga, “Dia” is still a magical song. The Portuguese and English days are an entreaty for Maria and her lover to seize the night, and the Tsonga section, performed by a couple vocalists, acts like the arrival of the dawn. Maria’s vocals also run the gamut of high to low and then to scatting, with the wild array of backing instrumentation taking us on a similar whirlwind journey.”
Tyler – 8 – “I just listened to “Dia”, and I have no idea what to think of this song. I’m leaning towards, “I love this so much”, and there’s so much that goes against this song’s potential success, but it’s so out there and unique that I think this wraps back around to being quite good. I get Björk from the composition and the singing style. I hear jazz as if Maria is doing scales or scatting. I love the use of the Tsonga language in here. Maria’s voice is so high that it almost seems shrill, but it only touches the boundary where I would be annoyed by it rather than going into that territory. I cannot even begin to speculate if the performance is going to be good or not, I have no clue. This could blow a lot of people away or be super alienating. I’ll hedge my bets or now with this score, but I’m already repeating this song and enjoying the experience all over again.”
Total: 28.5
Average: 7.125
Rita Onofre – “Criatura”
Boris – 7 – “I am surprised a song called “CREATURE” is so… mellow? I lowkey wish “Criatura” had more of a bite to be honest. It’s a nice trippy song on its own, and yet, somewhat hampered by the studio cut which goes rampant with vocalizations and autotune. This song needs the warmth of a human voice and the drama of a good act to truly reach its full potential, and I hope Rita Onofre can provide both.”
David – 4 – “This song doesn’t exactly leave a great impression on me, but I do enjoy its composition. Nice build-up, nice use of instrumentation, lyrically enjoyable and it’s actually not bad. Of course, I do wish there was far more included, to give the song a proper impact, but I actually can value its simplicity, for what it is.”
James – 7 – “”Criatura” is a chill pop journey, with mystical lyrics and a cool vocal performance. Perhaps a little too cool for its own good, with the chorus existing only of “Ay ya ya” being anti-climactic to the world building she has in her lyrics. Unless, and I am speculating, the “Ay ya ya” is an almost chiding of the titular “Creature”? I am curious to see the live staging, as I suspect this can be improved greatly with imagery to strengthen its storytelling (recall how Black Mambas went from no-hopers to cult favorites when their staging was unveiled?).”
Tyler – 6 – “When I’m fully invested in listening to “Criatura”, there are lots of things about it I enjoy. I like the lyrical style and how Rita O. sounds. The music has a good beat to it, and I found myself enjoying this entry a lot. However, the song doesn’t capture my focus and I get lost along the way as I’m listening. This is a song that sounds nice, but then doesn’t follow through with making it stand out completely. I do like this entry, and I wish it captured my attention more to make me a bigger fan of it. I hope the live performance is a show-stopper.”
Total: 24.0
Average: 6.0
Silk Nobre – “Change”
Boris – 2 – “Another one of those “”artists”” who believes their “genius” makes them relevant – “ME!!!! LISTEN TO ME!!!!! *I* KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER. MEEE” Two things: (1) Who the FUCK are you? (2) Shut the hell up, you suck. I do the patronizing around here!! The first thirty seconds of “Change” are repulsively narcissistic and are about as self-aware as cheerfully signing about alcoholics dying from cirrhosis. The next two and a half minutes are giving “the Annoying Sidekick Theme Song in an animated movie” (what in the Malta?), like I could unironically imagine the cat from Luck perform “Change”? And that makes it worse to me because Bob is voiced by Simon Pegg and I’d much rather have Simon Pegg sing in my FdC than some bellend with all the charm and emotional intelligence of a doorknob.”
David – 2 – “I can only fully support the message of this song, but the delivery is just horrendous. You want a proper anthem, for a song with a message, not this simplistic and down right poorly lyrically mess. The melody is fun and entertaining, but come on, this could’ve been done in so many better ways overall.”
James – 1 – “This is like a Marxist Musical Theater stole a song from The Simpsons Sing the Blues and had Greta Thunberg chiding Portugal as lyrics. This is cartoonishly bad, a self-important artist rattling off cliches of what he thinks can save the Earth. If the EBU applied a carbon tax to this guy, he would plunge Portugal into a huge deficit. Its self-importance is made further comical with a string section and a faux gospel choir, putting Silk Nobre in the position of a pastor “preaching the truth.” Except this is windbaggery, and his truths are nothing but bumper sticker bromides.”
Tyler – 6 – “At first I didn’t care for “Change” since hearing a gospel-esque entry from an European country is a wild concept to me still. However, I do love the revolutionary and call to action aspects of the lyrics. Reminds me of an English language “A luta é alegria” (which I LOVED, robbed icon). I think with good staging this has a good shot at getting votes for being so different from the others. The message in “Change” is good, and I hope this does well, even if I’m giving this a somewhat low positive score still. I got a little tired of the entry towards the end, and maybe that can be chalked up to me listening to this after a marathon of Portuguese songs, or maybe I thought it was a lack of authenticity. I dunno! We’ll see what the live is like to see if I can better pinpoint why I felt that way.”
Total: 11.0
Average: 2.75
João Borsch’s “…Pelas costuras” from Semi-Final 1 remains our overall winner, but Maria Joao is a close second alongside Perpetua. Our Semi-Final 2 winner is Maria Joao, and if we were Portugal, we’d also have Filipa, Leo Middea, Huca and No Makes feat. Ana Maria. We called 4 out of 5 from Semi-Final 1 (we thought Mela, and not Nena, would progress), so we will see how our rankings hold up to reality this evening.
- Maria João – “Dia” – 28.5 (Average = 7.125, Median = 8.75)
- Filipa – “You Can’t Hide” – 28.5 (Average = 7.125, Median = 7.75)
- Leo Middea – “Doce mistério” – 27.5 (Average = 6.875)
- Huca – “Pé de choro” – 26.0 (Average = 6.5)
- No Maka feat. Ana Maria – “Aceitar” – 24.5 (Average = 6.125)
- Rita Onofre – “Criatura” – 24.0 (Average = 6.0)
- João Couto – “Quarto para um” – 23.5 (Average = 5.875)
- Cristina Clara – “Primavera” – 21.5 (Average = 5.375)
- Buba Espinho – “O farol” – 20.0 (Average = 5.0)
- Silk Nobre – “Change” – 11.0 (Average = 2.75)
Who do #YOU think should win Festival da Cancao? Let us know in the comments below, or in our forum and social media.
