ESC United Reviews Benidorm Fest 2024 Semi-Final 1!

Photo credit RTVE

All opinions expressed in this article are those of the person quoted and do not necessarily represent the opinions of the other team members or ESC United as a whole.

It’s the third year of Spain’s Benidorm Fest, and with a wildly popular debut (resulting in 3rd at Eurovision 2022) and a slightly chastening sophomore result (17th at Eurovision 2023), you can say that the results have been mixed even if the process of selection was popular.

Tonight, eight of the sixteen hopefuls will compete, with four from tonight’s Semi-Final 1 moving on to the Grand Final on Saturday, February 3, 2024.

So before tonight’s kick-off of Benidorm Fest 2024, ESC United asked several of its writers to review each entry, grade it, write down what passes for their thoughts on each, and in totaling up each writer’s score, a consensus on who ESC United would like to see qualify for the Grand Final and represent Spain at Eurovision 2024 in Malmo, Sweden, could be reached.

The ESC United panel of mad badgers who can’t agree on anything include:

Boris Meersman – Belgium by way of Bulgaria
Daniel Theophanous – London by way of Cyprus
David Popescu – Denmark by way of Romania
James Maude – Los Angeles by way of the United Kingdom and South Africa
Tyler Griffith – Alaska by way of some other state that was featured in a show like Yellowstone or Longmire.

And with the introductions out of the way, in order of the Semi-Final 1 draw, here are our reviews of tonight’s acts with the results listed below.

Lérica – “Astronauta”

Boris – 2 – “My’s toboy prosto sensatsiya? Lol I wish, I WISH “Astronauta” was a when loves takes over my guest. In a selection that feels like a bunch of Melfest demos, I did NOT need a Samir and Victor derivative, complete with their signature heavy autotune and fully instrumental chorus to ensure they sing as liiiitle as possible. Was there really nothing else Spain could borrow from the Swedes? Wtf.”

Daniel – 3 – “A rock / RnB hybrid in the verse that morphs into an anthemic Avicii-esque chorus. And unfortunately, Astronauta sounds very much of Avicii’s time, a dated generic ride through all the spectrum of all the musical pop genres of almost a decade ago. And there isn’t a single hook here, absolutely nothing to hold on to. I cannot for the life of me, recall a single thing post listen.”

David – 8 – “When the beat takes off, it takes off! Pleasantly performed, making the Spanish lyrics enjoyable, rather than being sung way too fast and ending up leaving the listener. The song itself sparks energy and party in cosmos, making me wanna dance with an alien or two. I do wish that the singers had this same energy when delivering the singing, which could’ve sparked things up more.”

James – 6 – “This would have worked much better if Lerica leaned into the partying aspect more than the break-up aspect. The chorus works fine, though the verses are a bit damp. Keep the spirit of dancing and floating like an astronaut, and ditch the weird parts like that line about paying for your psychologist’s yacht. For a song contest, going hard will work better than moping. And “Astronauta,” in its current form, is too mid to get too many folk excited about it.”

Tyler – 5 – “”Astronauta” sounds like a Sanremo entry that would place in the 20s. There’s some breeziness to the song, which is a good contrast to the otherwise husky voices that Lérica gives to it. The song overall though feels stuck in the 2010s when EDM was coming onto the scene. It’s fine, but it also sounds generic to me at the same time and I’m not that interested in relistening to it, sorry!”

Total: 24.0

Average: 4.8

Noan – “Te echo de -“

Boris – 5 – “[there is no opinion to be had]. Eh, Noan is decent middling filler, I guess. Not that much different than the others to be honest, BUT HE HAS GRAVELVOICE. Here’s a phone RTVES, call someone who cares (Portugal.)”

Daniel – 4 – “The sad boys wearing their high school Blink 182 references on their musical sleeves… although Noan doesn’t appear old enough to have experienced Blink 182 in his formative years or any other emo band for that matter. This genre of non-specific sped up pop-rock with an impassioned male vocal is rather formulaic and one-note. This succeeds in never ever venture into anything you’ve not heard before. Credit where credit is due, Noan possess an emotive mature voice that can provide the intensity and emotional gravitas the lyrics require, but he is working with an average song, at best.”

David – 3 – “This hits back into the 2000’s music, with the touchy punk-rock sound. Now, instead we have it in Spanish, and I can feel how it sets the tone completely differently. This would probably work far better in English, where it would be far more understandable and probably more relatable. In this case, the language does indeed create a barrier.”

James – 8 – “This is quite a throwback to early ‘00s Spanish rock, and if his live performance can match the charisma promised in the studio version, this could be a compelling entry for a large chunk of fans who have something other than crap EDM to be nostalgic for at Eurovision. There’s also a maturity in his voice and in the lyrics that make me forget Noan is still a young pup (24!). If we are not going to get a crooner this year, then this young peddler of nostalgic rock en espanol may be the next best thing.”

Tyler – 6.5 – “I can totally envision myself listening to a song like this in high school, takes me back to the soft rock music that was popular in the States. I like the sound of Noan’s voice and this could be a fun rock song to watch on the stage! “Te echo de -” could definitely stand out enough to escape the Måneskin comparisons and show a different side of rock that audiences may enjoy. I’m only giving this score because while I may personally like it, I’m not sure if it will capture enough viewers to give the song votes and it feels more niche rather than having broader appeal. But that may not be the case, we’ll see soon!”

Total: 26.5

Average: 5.3

Sofia Coll – “Here to Stay”

Boris – 8.5 – “This stupid-ass Atranka-level Drag Race anthem ♥ The SPOKEN WORD BIT IN ENGLISH ♥ the chorus that is just “I’M HERE TO STAY :dramatic cymbal: x3” ♥ and provides no actual reasons as to why she deserves to stay ♥ It’s a stupid little song with no true redeeming qualities (very affectionate ♥). So ofc it’s camp trash I very much enjoy and can relate to. In most selections this would be a 6.5/10 and pleasant loltrash filler. In Benifest2024, it’s my highest rated song, and that’s more embarrassing for Spain that it is for me, lol. And the “lol” is there for punctuation because I definitely did not laugh. Pull yourselves together Spain and #LOVEYOURSELVES.”

Daniel – 6 – “Judging by the video of Here to Stay, Sofia Coll comes across as a cool and confident performer. An artist whose aesthetics are equally important to her as the music itself. The song fluctuates from Spanish to English, with a sultry competent vocal which also switches from singing to spoken, all backgrounded by a Euro-dance track. There are interesting ideas here musically, yet the chorus, if not the whole song, lacks a punch further refusing to peak to any sort of crescendo in its finale, leaving the listener unsatiated but not wanting more.”

David – 2 – “Obviously, a statement this song. It’s even made obvious in the song itself with the inclusion of English lyrics and it’s not what I wish to know. Focus on the art, rather than loss track of the objective and telling everyone what it’s all about. Lyrically dreadful and it makes the song suffer, cause the music has potential and energy.”

James – 7 – “This has its moments, but the jerky back and forth and the “For all of you that don’t speak Spanish” part take you out of the club. Sofia is a dynamic performer, but there’s a bit of whiplash going from spoken word to rap to singing over a retro EDM track with cheesy synths. If Sofia had stuck with the club part (i.e. the chorus) and carried it into the rest of the song, it would probably work better than the Whitman’s Sampler of Sofia’s influences we’re getting here.”

Tyler – 8.5 – “”Here to Stay” gives me “Aire” vibes from last year (so robbed), and while in previous entries I may have given the impression that I deride “yasgurl slay” bops, I love this entry! This is a club dance banger and if Sofia can nail the vocals, this is the kind of schlager that people will respond to. The song may not feel all that original to me, BUT it’s still fun, dammit, so I’m giving it the highest score in this selection, congrats!”

Total: 32.0

Average: 6.4

Mantra – “Me vas a ver”

Boris – 7 – “A cute upbeat tune. Not quite ground-breaking (then again, nothing in this f’ing selection is), but I like how their voices blend together, and it does stand out from a selection that really feels like a bunch of uptempo nothing. Even with a 7/10 under the belts, “Me vas a ver” really doesn’t smell like anything that can escape a Eurovision bottom 3, but If that’s where we’re headed anyway (and we very much are, listen to the rest of this garbage), might as well grab a fun palate cleanser along the way.”

Daniel – 3 – “With a video that initially gives the impression of a yoghurt ice-cream advert, Me vas a ver is a venture into the realms of background pop music, the sort of unobtrusive filler you hear at a shopping mall or in clothing shops, think Bershka or Zara in this instance. A very mediocre -I’m guessing feelgood- pop song with notable vocals by all three singers which all take it in turns in the verses and come together in the chorus, as you would expect. Ultimately again, there is nothing to grab on to here, this as bland is it gets. It does have an upbeat temperament, but nowhere near to justify the visual of people losing their shit on the dancefloor of a silent disco.”

David – 4 – “This song demonstrates perfectly how the Spanish language can become a bit too much, for its own good. The beat feels far slower, than the actual singing, which then sets it completely off. There’s a joyful and chill beat, with lyrics that maybe try to fill in too much. I eventually lose focus and interest, and remain uncertain about whether I enjoyed it or not.”

James – 7.5 – “Ahhh, the kids and their silent parties with headphones on and overthinking dating while going out for a night on the town (or Madrid, in this case). Lots of older fans will grouch about this one and copy and paste tired arguments from the likes of Ben Shapiro and “those kids today and their music” tropes, but I find this rather bright and care-free. To the point where I’d like to add this to the playlist for my high school’s 30^th reunion party this year (whether this song will make it to the back arse of Pretoria, even in the Internet era, is another thing). “Me vas a ver” won’t break any new ground at Eurovision, but as a celebratory song about spending a night on the town without your ex and their friends worrying, you could do a lot worse.”

Tyler – 6 – “”Me vas a ver” is a cute song! I like the vocals for the performers and the second verse after the chorus is also quite good. The contrast between the slower pop sound and the faster rap track is nice to hear and breaks up the song in an interesting way. I’m not blown away by the song though, and I’m not sure if the live performance can be better than the studio, but it’s a fun song overall and this score feels appropriate for it.”

Total: 27.5

Average: 5.5

Miss Caffeina – “Bla bla bla”

Boris – 3.5 – “Parole, parole? That I’m having MORE fun making stupid word associations with JESC songs than actually paying attention to any of these songs is Sign #1 you’re dealing with a bad selection. As for Miss Caffeina, are they for open communication or against it? Feels like they’re aiming for the former but then follow it up with an ANNOYING chorus and hook that makes me want to put my fingers in my ear. Another victory for benifest 2024’s penmanship!”

Daniel – 5 – “With a title and band name like this, one would assume this is a release by a former Rupaul’s drag race contestant. But let not names and labels fool you, Miss Caffeina is an all-male three piece knocking about in various guises since 2006. The vocal is enigmatically androgynous which gives a certain depth and it’s coupled with slick production, which highlight the intricate dance elements that underlie an otherwise radio-friendly pop song. A commendable effort yet it never quite escalates, remaining monotone from a certain point onwards, thus not enough to grasp listeners’ short attention spans.”

David – 7 – “Beat is fire, rhymes are hitting and it’s a very solid song overall. It takes a while to hit, but eventually you get there and the pay off is actually not that bad either. Sure, I would have appreciated that I was captured at the beginning, but better late than never. The song is definitely everything else than just pure “bla bla bla”.”

James – 2 – “In a time where people fret about the breakdown in interpersonal communication, this bitter little tune is the last thing we want. The dismissive “bla bla bla” chorus is weak. If you’re going to complain about toxic people, Godsmack’s “Whatever” would be the way of expressing to them how to get lost. Miss Caffeina is not doing the best they ever did, Miss Caffeina is not doing the best that they can, and after Semi-Final 1 we can hope Miss Caffeina better f$&%ing go away. If you’re going down the complaint route, be brief, be punchy, be direct, move on, and don’t dither like the protagonist of “Bla bla bla.” Otherwise, your listener tends to zone out and wanders upon ropey comparisons to dodgy Nu-Metal.”

Tyler – 6 – “”Bla bla bla” is dangerously close to becoming an annoying song to me, but it doesn’t cross that threshold for me, hurray! I’m not enthralled with the lyrics or the score itself, but the song is pretty fun and the live performance has potential to get fans in the crowd. I was hoping this song could become less generic and show something more interesting, but it’s still mildly acceptable.”

Total: 23.5

Average: 4.7

Quique Niza – “Prisionero”

Boris – 3 – “Quique represents the other side of “Melfest Reject”: the salvaduncan ballad that fails to leave any sort of impression and peters out in 6th place in the heat. For a brief spell the verses hint that they’re going somewhere before the chorus pivots into full Universo territory so, no we’re not going anywhere, especially not Malmö. You really have to ask yourself whether Eaea’s 17th place justifies regressing BACK TO BLAS-CANTO-LEVEL ENTRIES, and the answer is of course: “no”. Pull yourself together, Spain. LOVE YOURSELVES.”

Daniel – 5.5 – “A power ballad by Quique Nisa that supports a seeming trend at Benidorm, of songs which are not bad by any means, but bring nothing new to the table. The production feels a little shaky at moments, yet interestingly the song does manage to stand out in this line-up. There is an immediacy to Prisionero, especially in its chorus mostly owed to Niza’s vocal emotiveness. Yet something has me feeling reserved about it, at least till I see it live. If it is good live with Benidorm favouring a more Jury friendly voting system this year, this may fare better than many would expect.”

David – 4 – “It’s just a guess, but I believe we got someone here who’s a “prisoner”. Come on, message really hits, even if you don’t speak the language, so the song does what it needs to do. Stunning vocal delivery as well, but all just seen over and over again, nothing unique in it’s own way. Rhythm could’ve been slightly better as well.”

James – 6.5 – “A modern pop ballad a la Blas Canto, for better or for worse. Quique’s voice is wonderful, and he does sell the pain of not being able to express his feelings adequately. It remains to be seen if he has the charisma to pull off an otherwise paint-by-numbers song, if he is able to sell the torment and captivate fans in his live performance. But even assuming he can, “Prisionero” is going to have an uphill battle getting attention at Benidorm and in the unlikely event he wins, Europe at large.”

Tyler – 4.5 – “Okay so I hear Quique’s vocals (which seem good!) and the generic backing music and after 2 and a half minutes, I don’t feel any strong feelings about “Prisonero” still? It seems like Quique puts his heart into the song, but if the song itself isn’t strong enough to begin with, there isn’t a way to elevate the song. I felt nothing after listening to this entry, and a song that doesn’t affect you is a problem!”

Total: 23.5

Average: 4.7

Angy Fernández – “Sé quién soy”

Boris – 6 – “Wish I liked this song more but there’s problems: Good dark verses that build into a tepid sunny chorus is a concept that will never work in any song. “Sé quién soy” also struggles with consistency – Angy constantly pivots back and forth from light frivolous poprock into darker electrometal riffs. If those transitions were smoother, each phase would feel like it builts into the next one, but as its stands these white-and-black blues blend together into a dull grey.”

Daniel – 7.5 – “Sé quién soy is another stand-out track, perhaps the most in this semi-final. This is attributed to the rockier elements at play, with a hooky chorus that complement Angy Fernández’ distinctive vocal. It reminds me of Kelly Clarkson’s rockier songs, also the sounds employed pre-bridge and in the songs finale are heavily reminiscent of Demi Lavato’s Cool For Summer. You couldn’t go wrong with influences like these. This will most certainly depend on how she stages it live.”

David – 4 – “A spicy voice, to a quite spicy soundtrack. A lot is going on, and the overall product tries to captivate, but maybe it does tries far too much. Rather than making it work, it’s more all over the place and very scattered in the sound, and eventually the interest just gets lost. I like the attempt, but I end up feeling more lost at the end.”

James – 8 – “The energy of the back half of “Se quien soy,” from the bridge on, is great. The guitar could sound a little less muddy, but it does have a bouncy energy that could get an audience riled up a bit. I just wish they’d spring it a little earlier, as industrial rock is not where I predicted it would go from the opening verses. A refresh to bring the guitars more forward, and perhaps faster and more varied beats to propel the song to the finish line, and we could have a potential crowd pleaser.”

Tyler – 8 – “Angy, more like Angry amirite? But in a great way! I quite like this song. I’m interested throughout listening to the song and there are great key changes in here that seems challenging too. The song begins to feel like it’s going to be a “yasgurl slay” bop, and it shifts to a punk rock banger, which is always appreciated. I hope the vocals in the live performance hold up!”

Total: 33.5

Average: 6.7

Nebulossa – “Zorra”

Boris – 8 – “Always down for a disco cougar with filler lips living her best life on the stage, singing about how much of a bombshell she was and still is. The Spagna – “Seriously in love” tease of it all <3 The middle-aged balding cigarillos love this because they think this is them (and no ♥ it defo isn’t you. ♥ sorry ♥), but “Zorra”” is a fun little retro number that would give the Eurovision final a bit of extra variety spice even if its projected placement is – let’s be very real here – maybe 22nd place at the best.”

Daniel – 4 – “Contemporary production in the verses give way to 80s synths in the chorus, with a whispering tantalising vocal style reminiscent of Italian disco divas for the 70s and 80s. Duo Nebulossa fronted by an impressive Maria Bas who radiates star quality in the vein of Debbie Harry and Amanda Le Pore, with some press even describing her as a Spanish Kylie Minogue. Zorra is an interesting song but again one that is fine to listen to, but it never elevates above the mediocre, remaining in the category of pleasant but instantly forgettable.”

David – 1 – “Oh Christ, we jumped a few decades back for this one, which is noticeable straight off the bat. Too bad that the beats are missing, and the song is very synthesized instead. There’s an overall of loud sounds and a huge lack of a proper inclusion of more instruments. This overall just ruins the song for me and makes it insufferable.”

James – 9 – “If Andy Cohen ever makes The Real Housewives of Benidorm, “Zorra” would be the perfect theme track for it. Does it count as retro when the singer herself is from the early ‘80s post-disco scene? Sanremo is usually good for a couple of these throwback party songs a year, and while she has little chance of making it to Eurovision, I am going to enjoy the vibe and hope for at least a top half finish in the Benidorm Fest final. Not everything has to be serious, not everything has to have a message. Nebulossa admits herself that she is in a good moment. Let’s just enjoy it with her.”

Tyler – 7.5 – “”Zorra” isn’t high art. It isn’t a revolutionary song by any means, and I don’t see this doing well with a jury. However, it is camp, and I love the idea of Spain sending Nebulossa to Eurovision, so I’m giving it the highest score I can justify and then daring Spain to send her to Malmö. It would be so much fun and the crowd would love her! About the song, I also think its just easy and fun listening, so it could still be a good choice to send anyway!”

Total: 29.5

Average: 5.9