Roffbeard's Tall Tales! (NSC 204 Semi Results)

[Roffbeard]

I really can't seem to get rid of you lot can I? Okay, I know what you're here for...

You want to find out what came out of the semifinals? You want to know who's going to qualify to the grand final?! YOU WANT TO KNOW THE RESULTS?!

Well I don't, that sounds dull.

How about we talk about my favorite subject instead? ME! Mwahaha!
Ah yes, let me welcome you to the best show in existence, this is...

ROFFBEARD'S TALL TALES​

 

[esc87fan]

Ooh, storytime!

 

[Veronika]

Hello!

 

[Kimrt]

::!

 

[Leaf]

curious to see what Roffbeard has up his sleeve

 

[Roffbeard]

So as you probably know, I was an accomplished seafarer in my youth! So many adventures, I’m not sure where to begin! Oh, there was this time me and a motley crew of five other sailors, I think they were from Kadis, Moisantia, New Bander State, Tcher-Racoi and Redwood Republic, we were going to sail around the entire continent of Norigin we were! We set out north from the coast of Arjastan, and sailed for at least a fortnight! It’s true, I swear! We were so close to reaching our goal too, we were about three nautical miles from completing the circle when the guy from Kadis suddenly remembered he had forgotten his wallet… Nothing to do but turn around and sail all the way back from where we came, how typical. We all kinda lost our motivation after that.​

 

[Fearnavigatr]

Oh for crying out… Ragnar you insufferable narcissist! Even now you’ve gotta do this?! No one asked for your life story! They just want the results, not your stupid riddles!

Sigh… okay, let me help you all out. He does this every time there’s a meeting between Ugaly’s eight Big Kahunas, he drifts away into what seems like unrelated nonsense, but if you read between the lines you’ll see that there’s actually a point he’s trying to get across. You’ll have to carefully consider what he’s saying and use that to figure out who the qualifiers are, as his stories will somehow reference the nation, the artist, the song title, or any combination of the three.

In this case, he’s just talking about the “motley crew” of finalists you already know about, so congratulations to:

I’m sorry you have to deal with this guy, good luck with the rest!​

 

[Roffbeard]

I’ve never been to war, but since I can get called up to the navy I’ve had to do some basic military training, standard procedure. We were conscripted to the Wasteland in eastern Ugaly, enjoying a game of cards one evening, when some kid ran into our telt screaming “Missiles falling!”. We quickly ran to shelter expecting a downpour of explosives, but it turns out it was just Brigadier Lucas Missiles who had lost his footing while standing on top of a car. It’s true, I swear! That kid who scared us had many sleepless nights ahead of him…​

 

[Leaf]

Insomnéa?

 

[dogmeat]

Congrats

 

[Fearnavigatr]

SEMI 1

SEMI 2
Insomnéa

 

[Roffbeard]

You know there’s a city up in the clouds, right? It’s true, I swear! I’ve heard it’s a real paradise with people living happily and peacefully with no disturbances, and we can’t have that can we?! I’ve sent many a weather balloon (with a few stink bombs attached) trying to find exactly where in the clouds this place is located, but no luck so far! Perhaps I should look further east?​

 

[dogmeat]

 

[Fearnavigatr]

SEMI 1
Yaponesia

SEMI 2
Insomnéa

 

[Roffbeard]

I don’t often like to talk about my own demise, but I’ve got a plan for when I kick the bucket! It’s true, I swear! I’m going to be buried in a field of citrus fruits, and my apparition will lay there laughing as the King President of Ugaly cries as he remembers I changed his Wi-Fi password before I left, taking the new one with me to the grave, MWAHAHA!​

 

[esc87fan]

Orangualia?

 

[dogmeat]

Orangualia, I agree

 

[Fearnavigatr]

SEMI 1
Yaponesia
Orangualia

SEMI 2
Insomnéa

 

[Roffbeard]

If there’s anything I’m passionate about, it’s fishing! Oh yes! Usually I’m just out for cod or some other common saltwater fishes, but you do find some very strange creatures every now and then. There was this one time I caught an absolutely enormous crustacean that had very unusual spatial properties, it was like it could turn along an axis that I couldn’t even comprehend. It’s true, I swear! That thing told me “I lost the game!”, then went back to the deep! Dang it, I lost…​

 

[Territrius]

This is so brilliant omg!