The 2015 “Expert” Panel – FINLAND

The ESC United “Expert” Panel is back once again reviewing all Eurovision songs and rank them accordingly.

You are probably asking yourself on how we pick our panel and the criteria. We looked at people from all walks of life to bring together a unique group of panelists with a wide range in taste. They all bring different skills and tastes to the table so who are they?

Anselm – The Alternative Guy
Arie – The Professional Musician
Daniel – The Noob
Katja – The Schlager Queen
Mike – The Smart One
Olivia – The Journalist

You can read more about them HERE

Disclaimer: While we picked, what we perceived individuals with a wide range in taste, it is subjective to a certain degree so just enjoy their thoughts and if you don’t agree, feel free to post your comments below.

Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät is a Finnish Punk band and won the Finnish National Final with Aina mun pitää. The fact it is only 1:40 Minutes long, makes it one of the shortest songs in Eurovision history. In addition, they are the first band in the contest with developmental disabilities. The song choice was quite controversial so let’s see what our panel has to say about it:

Anselm – The Alternative Guy
Bless Finland. They’ve once again come up with a really daring choice. Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät are an experienced rock band and you can really see they’ve internalised the typical punk attitude – which is a huge contrast to what ESC is usually associated with.While many Eurovision fans say this song is nothing but pure noise I think it’s more melodic than many of the other songs. I generally like the idea of a 90 second song but I actually wish it were longer because I just enjoy it so much. There’s no doubt I’ll be one of the few fans to wholeheartedly support Finland in May!
Points: 9/10

Olivia – The Journalist
So let’s be honest. The majority of people hearing this song will quickly reach for their mute button. The genre is immediately inhibiting, and very much aimed at those with a punk/metal appetite. But let’s move beyond that, because this is a symbolic entry. The fact that it is even in this year’s competition indicates how Eurovision is still, after all these years, offers a diverse  and dynamic competition, which does discriminate against peoples music tastes. If anything this song showcases equal, if not better, musicianship and songwritingship than some of the other entries. The song is essentially low-fi, neo-punk, and its repetitive refrain gives the song an almost anthemic quality. And its well suited to the Finnish language, in which it is sung. Subjectively I strongly dislike it. Objectively it’s a refreshing and dynamic addition to this year’s line up, and will appeal to the burgeoning punk/metal market on the continent, especially in Germany and Scandinavia
Points: 3/10

Katja – The Schlager Queen
Ok, here’s the thing. I, as a Schlager fan, actually came to terms with Lordi winning the whole shebang 9 years ago. But I feel lie I’m never goig to come to terms with PKN’s (possible) victory. Because a slight difference is that Lordi had a song with an actual structure, while PKN have non of it. I appreciate the statement and the lyrics, but there’s nothing else there. Sorry PKN, gold star for effort, but that’s it. In the words of Simon Cowell: It’s a NO frome me.
Points: 1/10

Daniel – The Noob
I am at a loss for words. I can not imagine how an entry like that can please the crowd. I can not even imagine how they convinced Finland at the National Final. I hope I’m not right, but maybe Finland is sending PKN to Vienna just because of their disabilities. However, that should neither be significant nor relevant in such a contest. Sympathy or pity points would not be appropriate.
Points: 1/10

Arie – The Professional Musician
What’s more gimmicky than a stage full of “singing” babushkas?  Why, a “singing” band of guys with mental disabilites.  I’m told that the song is 1:40 long…it feels like an eternity.  I suppose that I’m going to get some crap for making fun of a song that is sung by people that have mental retardation, but I don’t care.  You’re offended?  Well, so am I.  I feel like Finland is using this fact in their favor.  I have a fact for you, Finland:  This song sucks!  (Yes, it’s a fact, not an opinion).  Everything from rediculous repetition to vocals that sound like a gorilla with a tracheotomy.   I apologize if this sounds harsh, but it’s a song competition and it’s what I would say about anyone else.  Can I give negative points?  No?!  Alright then
Points: 1/10

Mike – The Smart One
Well, the Finns are well known for their love of heavy metal.  This very short song (but I guess when you’ve sung all you need to you can stop) is by a heart-wrenching group of men of varying ages giving it their all.  Obviously challenged in many ways, they nevertheless do a very good job.  The playing and singing is on pitch and keeps rocking.  The Finnish language (one of only four non Indo-European languages in Europe) seems well suited for it.  The counter rhythm and melody of the lead guitar near the end of the song is especially appropriate and even poignant.
Points: 6/10

Overall: 21 Points

Finland is going straight to the Bottom. And if it wasn’t for Anselm, the Alternative Guy, this song would have scored even less points. While PKN is doing quite well in the betting odds, our panel doesn’t really believe it stands a chance. Let’s check out the full ranking:

Do you think that the panel got this right?!? Share your thoughts below and join the convo on our Forum. See yah soon!